


Heart of Courage

by lostnthedream (falloutangel)



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Alpha Son Hyunwoo | Shownu, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Alternate Universe, Attempted Rape/Non-Con, Eventual Smut, Fluff and Angst, Friendship, Gender Roles, M/M, Mulan AU, Omega Yoo Kihyun, Sexual Content, War, gays with swords, homoerotic archery
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-26
Updated: 2020-03-05
Packaged: 2020-09-26 21:40:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 3
Words: 24,890
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20396572
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/falloutangel/pseuds/lostnthedream
Summary: Going in place of his ill father, Kihyun poses as an alpha in Captain Hyunwoo’s army.A Showki Mulan!AU





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> this has been a long time coming and i hope you all enjoy <3
> 
> thank you to em for entertaining this idea and for helping me make this what it is. ily

The feeling of silk against his skin is soothing against the nerves that rattle beneath, making his heart beat faster than usual.

“You look lovely, my flower.” His mother lovingly ties the strings that hold the outfit together on his back. “I prayed for good fortune for us on this day.”

“I hope I can make Father proud today,” he says, voice uncharacteristically timid. In the mirror, he sees his mother pause in her work, looking up at him and briefly meeting his eyes in the reflection. 

“Your father and I have raised a beautiful omega,” she says, running a comb through his dark brown hair. “He’s already proud of you.” 

Biting his lip, Kihyun says nothing in response, insecurity tingling in his chest. His mother says these things to calm him, but they both know how much is relying on today - how much relies on his performance.

His father has been ill for nearly the whole year, only in the past few months making a recovery. They fear that if he gets sick again that he will not truly ever be able to recover this time. They need someone to be able to take care of their family. As an omega Kihyun cannot be the head of a household and if his father is ill that leaves them vulnerable. Or worse, if his father was gone, Kihyun doesn’t know what would happen to their home or finances, neither he nor his mother being able to legally own them or access their funds. 

He needs to be matched with an alpha today. He needs to take the responsibility of overseeing their household now - him and his future mate taking the reins so his father may finally rest and live out his life. Kihyun wants him to live unburdened for as much time as they have left with him. This is his way of being able to give him that. 

Finances and legal responsibilities aside Kihyun also wants to give his father grandchildren. Kihyun knows his father’s longing for them even though he has never been pressuring enough to outright tell Kihyun his wishes. But Kihyun has seen the loving looks he gives the village children, the attention he gives to children not even his own, and the wistful sighs as they run along to play. The thought that his father might not live long enough to even see his grandchildren makes grief clench down in Kihyun’s stomach. 

Kihyun can’t let them down. Not today. 

“Close your eyes,” his mother says, dabbing her brush into her precious colored pigments. 

Kihyun obeys, eyes fluttering shut, feeling the soft stroke of the brush across his eyelids. He can feel the care she’s putting into her work because he knows how much she also worries for his father. She knows the expectations that are passed heavily of Kihyun’s shoulders. 

He sits still as the touch of the soft feather brush soothes him. His mother used to serve in the royal court, painting beautiful faces, making the rich and powerful look their part. She’s skilled, and Kihyun knows that she will cut no expense to make sure that Kihyun looks nothing less than perfect. 

“Alright,” she breathes and he opens his eyes, adjusting to his reflection in the mirror.    
  


The corners of his eyes are accented dark and smokey with a golden gleam shimmering over his lid, making him look sharp and alluring. He knows her choice was very deliberate, gold being a very omegan color, associated with the age-old tale of omega’s eyes flashing gold when they experience heat with their true mate. It’s perfect for a day like today. Kihyun smiles at the mother’s careful work as she applies a faint pink blush to his cheeks. 

“Did you go over the handbook this morning?” she asks. 

Kihyun’s smile falters, sighing. “Grandmother practically had me reading out loud.” 

He hates the omega handbook, all the rules glaring back at him - expectations tattooing into his skin.

“She only wants the best for you,” his mother chides, but he knows that she is also familiar with his frustration with his grandmother. “For us.”

His father’s mother has always been a traditionalist. She’s always thought that his parents were too lenient on the ways they raised him, not pressing him into the harsh molds for young omegas like himself. 

She means well, but her expectations are daunting. Not to mention often humiliating. 

“She’s not going to like the gold,” he comments and his mother laughs. The shimmer on his eyes adds a sexual aspect to his appearance, while harmless, will  _ not _ make his grandmother happy. 

“She’ll just have to shut her trap. She’s not allowed to jinx her grandson on match day.” She dabs a separate brush in a dusty red tint. “Now lips.”

She leans down and brushes lightly across his lips and then dabs off the excess with her hand. Walking around his back and she puts her hands on his shoulders, meeting his reflection in the mirror. 

“Lovely,” she says, a soft smile tugging at her lips. He tilts his head, trailing his eyes down the slope of his neck and to the openness around his neck that’s normally covered up. The long unmarked expanse of his neck and open base begs of attention, collarbones sharply displayed. 

His mother absentmindedly fixes a few stray hairs and rests her gentle hands back on his shoulders. “Come on, stand up. Let’s see.” 

She steps back as he gets up from the stool, the silk brushing against his hairless legs - which tingle from the recent waxing. He turns looking at himself in the full-length mirror propped to the right, taking in his entire appearance for the first time. 

The traditional matching day gown his mother got him is lovely. The light cream-colored fabric is stitched with lace detailing at the opening of the sleeves and around his collar. The light fabric draping over his slim frame makes him look even more delicate than usual. He looks soft, innocent, but even then the deep v-neck showcases his unblemished skin around the base of his neck still making him look desirable. Untouched. Ready to be mated.

His hands come up and touch the detailed lace stitching on the hem of the gown. He’s nervous. Terrified even. Wearing this makes everything seems a little too real. 

His mother must see the way his eyes misted over (even though her’s have done the same) and she shakes her head. “No crying, you’ll ruin all my hard work.” 

“I’m not,” he says, voice steady. He blinks, hands smoothing the silk down his chest. 

He turns around and pulls her into a hug. “Thank you,” he says and she squeezes back, hands trailing down the intricate ties on his back. 

She pulls back, eyes trailing down him more critically. “I need to feed you more,” his mother sighs, eyeing his trim waist and he rolls his eyes. 

“You worry too much,” he says and she smiles, staring at him with a love he feels like he hasn’t earned

“You’ll understand when you’re a mother,” she says and nervous anticipation pulls in Kihyun’s gut. 

She reaches out and grabs his hand, giving it a soft squeeze before letting go. “Come on. Let’s go see your father.”

She opens the folding doors, going out into the garden in the back of the house, where his father liked to spend his time meditating and praying. 

Flushing and running his hands down his gown, he follows his mother, head bowed and focused on the ground as he steps out into the sun.

“My, my,” he hears a soft deep voice say and Kihyun smiles, looking up shyly. His father is smiling at him from his place under their cherry blossom tree, cane sitting next to him on the long bench.

“Father,” Kihyun greets, bowing his head. 

“Come here, child,” he beckons, ushering Kihyun closer. His mother stands to the side and Kihyun steps forward, grabbing onto the trembling hands that his father his holding out. 

His father has a soft smile on his face as he looks up at his son that warms Kihyun up from head to toe. Kihyun can’t help but return it, feeling his face turning pink under the layers of makeup. 

“As your parents, we knew this day would come, but I never thought about how stunning you would be.” Something about the way he says it makes a thousand emotions well up in Kihyun’s chest and he feels his throat tightening. 

“I hope I can make you proud today,” he says and his father nods, like he’s sure of Kihyun. 

“I have something for you,” he says, letting go of Kihyun’s hands and reaching into his pocket. He pats the spot next to him. “Close your eyes and turn around.”

Excited and curious, Kihyun complies, sitting and turning his back to his father. Out of the corner of his eye, he sees his mother stepping up behind to help his father’s shaking hands. He closes his eyes, straightening up as something light is placed around the base of his neck and clasped behind his neck. 

He opens his eyes and looks down, seeing a delicate pendant hanging around his neck in the shape of a cherry blossom. It sits perfectly in the v-neck of his gown he feels his heart beat painfully in his chest. He turns to face his father, hand coming up to clasp the flower. 

“It’s beautiful,” he breathes. “Thank you.”

His father smiles once more. “You will bring us pride, Kihyun,” he says, filled with a confidence that Kihyun wishes he had in himself. 

Kihyun swallows and nods his head obediently. He has to. 

~~~

_ Disobedient. Ill-prepared. Skinny. Disrespectful.  _

The harsh words from the match marker echo piercingly in his mind, his rejection weighing like a brick in his stomach.

He didn’t do it. He can’t believe he failed. 

It all intensifies when he sees his father at their gate, anxiously awaiting news. The hopeful look on his face causes the humiliation and guilt to suddenly well up in his chest. He can’t even bring himself to meet his eyes. He brushes by him, head ducked to hide the sheen of tears in his eyes. 

“Kihyun?” his father calls after him, concerned, but he doesn’t turn back. He can’t face him now. He wonders how he’ll ever be able to. 

He blinks and the tears of humiliation slide down his cheeks and he shuts himself in the washroom. He looks up at the mirror and sees himself. Small and skinny. Teary brown eyes. Red lips pinched in a thin, wobbling line.

A couple more stray tears inch down his face and he wipes them away, smudging the makeup that his mother carefully painted on his face. Gold dust marks his hand and he nearly crumbles. How will he ever be that perfect omega from the stories? Or the one described in the handbook?

He was an outcast at this point. Publically humiliated and rejected. He wouldn’t be surprised if the whole village knows by now.

His mother told him that she and father were proud of him already, but how could they be? He doubts that they are anymore if they ever were. He’s here, dressed traditional omegan robes and Kihyun wonders if he’ll ever feel like he truly deserves to wear them. 

He stays in there as long as he can, but he knows that he has to face his family. He knows he has to look them in the eyes knowing he’s failed. He slips out, hearing voices coming from down the hall. He can make them out as he takes a few steps closer. 

“You should have never raised him the way you did,” his grandmother’s scathing voice carries from the house and Kihyun can’t bring his feet to move to go inside. “He was entirely ill-prepared for the matchmaker, his failure will be the end of this family.”

He hears his father’s lower, softer voice responding, but is unable to make out the words. Swallowing he walks closer to the doorway.

“It’s dishonorable, Gunhwan. Embarrassing.”

“Mother, it was his first time,” his mother’s voice sounds. 

He pushes through the curtain in the doorway and the conversation immediately halts, everyone staring at him. He sees it all at once - his grandmother’s blatant disgust, his mother’s sadness, his father’s… he doesn’t know what to make of his father’s expression. Certainly some disappointment, some sadness, but there’s something else - something he can’t pick out. He stands frozen for a moment before shuffling awkwardly to the table, kneeling down next to his father. He ducks his head swallowing. 

“Father, I…” Kihyun’s voice strains, struggling to find words to convey his shame. 

The drums outside suddenly pound, turning everyone’s heads. It makes his heart jump in his chest. Those drums are only used for emergencies and he’s only heard them during drills.

His family moves and he gets to his feet, following his mother who is helping his father they exit to outside where the rest of the village has begun to gather. He sees a small troop of men in military uniforms getting down from their horses, standing in the center of the small village square.

“Attention! We come with an official notice from his Majesty!” The messenger’s voice rings out loud through the crowd, as the people gather. He unrolls the scroll in his hands, holding it out in front of him.

“To defend our country from invaders from the North, war has been declared,” the messenger reads, voice ringing loud and clear over the gasps of the crowd.  _ War? _ Kihyun stands stunned seeing his mother stiffen next to him. 

“His Majesty requires one able-bodied alpha from each family to serve in his name,” the messenger continues to read, moving onto the family names. Kihyun feels a dark, ominous chill run down his spine.  _ Would they consider his father eligible?  _

“... The Suh family. The Song family. The Shin family…” the messenger reads off the names and young men step up the line of soldiers to receive the letter detailing their orders. He feels his mother slip a hand into his own and he squeezes back. 

“The Yoo family,” the messenger calls and Kihyun’s world falls down around him.

“ _ No _ ,” he hears his mother whisper next to him. His head turns to look at her, watching the devastation creeping onto her face and then to his father. With wide eyes Kihyun watches grim determination cement on his father’s face as he looks ahead, passing his cane into his mother’s hands and stepping forward.

The crowd parts for him as he slowly makes his way to the soldiers, stumbling the last bit of the way, pain flashing over his face and suddenly Kihyun can’t bear to watch anymore. He rips his hand from his mother’s grasp, ignoring her call as he runs to his father.

“Father, let me help you,” he pleads, grabbing his arm to help him stand up. 

“Kihyun, go back,” his father orders through grit teeth, but Kihyun shakes his head, tears stinging at his eyes, helping him stand steady.

“Please, sir,” he begs, turning and approaching the messenger who’s looking at him in disdain. “My father has been ill and is still recovering. He has already served for His Majesty, please-” 

_ Slap! _ He falls to the ground with a cry, pain exploding on his cheek as he is struck across the face. 

“Silence!” the large guard to the side snaps. Kihyun looks up from his place in the dirt, clutching his burning cheek, mouth open in shock. 

The guard glares down at Kihyun then back up at his father. “You should teach your omegas to hold their tongue in the presence of an alpha. The Yoo family will serve as you have been ordered to, just like every other family.”

His father steps up passed Kihyun on the ground. Kihyun feels breaking hopelessness in his chest as his father takes the letter, bowing to the men. “I understand.” Turning around to go back, his father looks down at him, sorrow and shame lining his expression.

“Kihyun, you dishonor me,” his father whispers, turning his head and slowly walking away, limp visible in his gait. Kihyun gets up, hands covered in dirt, keeping his head low as he follows his family back. The left side of his face burns along with the shame and anger inside him. His neighbor’s stares dig into him as if trying to brand him.

He follows his family back to their house, head low, trailing shamefully behind. A knot is tied tight in his throat, wondering what kind of scolding he’s in for when they reach their destination. Anger still pulses through him as he eyes the letter clenched in his father’s fist. It’s wrong that he’s being forced to serve when there are so many other able-bodied alphas out there. It’s wrong that he was struck down for pleading for mercy for his noble, but frail father. His father who isn’t going to survive a war - Kihyun knows this truth with every limping step that his father takes ahead of him. 

They’re at their porch now, beyond the gates and way from view. Kihyun stops, planting his feet in the ground hoping to find courage somewhere in the sturdiness of the ground.

“You shouldn’t have to go,” he says, ignoring the way his mother turns and flashes a warning glare with her eyes. His father slowly turns, his mother’s arm still steadying him on the side. There’s a wave of cold anger in his eyes, one that makes it hard for Kihyun to maintain eye contact, but clenches his jaw and he does. “It’s true,” he persists.

The shame that glows on his cheeks and burns in his stomach suddenly turns to something else. No longer like a scolded child who’s seconds from crying for forgiveness, but a son filled with burning righteous anger. He shouldn’t have been hit. He shouldn’t have been forced to beg for his father’s life. He shouldn’t be looked down upon for speaking up against what was so wrong. 

“It is an honor to serve my country,” his father says. His voice is more authoritative than Kihyun’s ever heard it. It almost makes him back down. Almost. 

“There are plenty of healthier men that should be taking your place, I don’t understand why they would insist on forcing you to serve  _ again _ when you’re in no condition-”

“Kihyun, Enough!” his father shouts, anger exploding off of him. Kihyun steps back, eyes wide and scared as his father snaps his arm out of his mother’s hold and advances on Kihyun, cane digging harshly into the dirt as he relies his weight on it. “You’ve given me nothing today! Nothing but shame and dishonor. I  _ will _ complete the task assigned and I  _ will _ take on the role expected of me to bring honor to our family’s name.”

Kihyun swallows, the words embedding in his skin. The feeling of today’s failure suddenly rushing back to him and he’s suddenly aware that he’s still in his omegan silks, which are now stained and dirty from the ground outside, a small rip in the fabric at his elbow which tore when he fell down on it. 

Sighing, his father leans more heavily on his cane, old boney fingers gripping down harshly on the wood. The anger seems to have left his father's body, leaving behind only a tired, exhausting disappointment. “My son… when is it you will finally learn your place?” 

His place. His purpose. The same thing that the matchmaker said he didn’t understand. The expectation of perfection that he’s never even been close to grasping.

The words from his handbook run through his head, every rule he could never follow:  _ An omega does not eat in front of an alpha. An omega cares for their alpha and their children tirelessly. An omega is seen, but not heard. An omega obeys their alpha without hesitation. An omega’s place is in the household. An omega- _

Kihyun forces himself to stop the matra, the hopelessness of the situation overwhelming him. 

His father is right, he’s a failure at everything he’s supposed to be. At this moment he’s never felt lesser. 

His father looks down, the silence heavy and tense around them, adding another weight to Kihyun’s shoulders. 

His father turns, taking a feeble step back to the house. His mother rushes forward, holding his arm to steady him, guiding him back to the house. Kihyun remains standing there with his head bowed, not daring to look up. His lip wobbles dangerously as his parents disappear into their house and his fists clench, angry and ashamed at himself. 

_ Will I ever bring our family pride? _

He can’t bring himself to go inside, even if the silk on his skin shames him in its own special way. He miserably walks around the back to his father’s garden, kneeling by the small pond, reflection staring back at him in the water. 

He dips his hand into the water, washing off the dirt. The side of his face still stings, red from the slap, and he wonders if it’s going to bruise. He hears voices from inside the house and he looks back. He assumes his grandmother is going on another one of her rants. 

To escape the noise he goes into the shed, grunting at the heavyweight of the wooden door, wincing as it creaks loudly against the still summer air. 

The slats in the roof shine in enough light from the twilight so that he can see in front of him, even as the door closes with a thud behind him.

Mounted on the wall before him is his father’s armor, dusty from its years of sitting untouched in the dark. 

He slowly approaches the armor, His heart pounds in his ears like the drum he heard minutes before, loud and rapid. He hesitantly touches his hand down on the leather sleeves, feeling the tough texture under his fingers. 

It’s thick and heavy. He knows that much without even trying to lift it himself. 

Swallowing he tries to imagine his father having to once again bear the weight of the metal and leather on his shoulders. 

He would rather put on the armor than have to watch his father struggle not to crumble under the weight. 

He was young when his father first returned from war nearly twenty years ago. Then he was strong, able-bodied… he lifted young Kihyun in the air and swung him around, joyfully lifting his young son as he finally returned home.

No one was prepared for the strange illness that sapped all of his strength

His father’s condition is now miles above where he once was last year when he was completely bed-ridden, barely conscious for more than an hour a day. Now he’s up most of the day, moving on his own (with the help of his cane). 

But even on good days his father still needs help up the stairs. On bad days he barely stands without trembling. He worries every day how many years were taken away and how many days are left.

Kihyun knows one thing. If his father leaves for this war, he won’t be returning.

His stomach suddenly twists in knots when realization turns quickly to something more - to an idea that flickers in his mind, the flame suddenly growing stronger, spreading and overtaking all other thoughts.

He could go instead of his father. Hide his identity and save his father. 

He almost feels nauseous at the thought, a strange buzz of rebellion ignited his skin. He feels wide awake, suddenly shocked with adrenaline. 

His eyes fall on the sword resting on a stand next to the armor. Holding his breath he steps up to the dusty sheathed weapon. He lifts it, huffing under the weight. 

He grips his hand around the handle and unsheathes the sword. The metal  _ shings _ as he pulls out the blade, glinting in the faint light. 

The awe of holding his father’s blade almosts takes his mind off the crime he’s considering committing. It’s heavy in his hand, but he lifts it high, bringing it down to the middle of his face, sharp tip pointed at the patchy roof. 

All the pieces are coming together at a terrifying speed, everything that he needs to do - take his emergency stash of suppressants, the letter, his father’s armor, and sword - no one would have to know the truth, plenty of sons have gone in their father’s place. 

_ Alpha sons _ , his brain supplies and he pauses. What consequences would he face if he, an omega, was outed to a group of alphas? What consequences would his family face?

Fear begins to settle in, realizing that he’s considering putting himself in more danger than he’s ever even considered. If anyone with even the slightest of bad intentions discovered who he truly is, he'd be dead. 

However, if he doesn’t do this then he’s going to lose his father. And if his family loses his father they lose everything. 

He presses down the fear that swirls in his stomach, gripping the leather handle in his hands. He slowly lowers it and swallows. His mind is made up. 

He’s leaving and he’s leaving tonight. 

He waits for the cover of nightfall. Silently preparing for bed with his family, none of them offering him any words. As they all go to sleep he lays waiting, waiting, waiting. Anxiety thrums under his skin as he watches the moon from his window make its way through the sky. 

Hours late into the night, Kihyun slips out of bed, silently moving through the house, carefully filling his supply bag, making sure to take all of the suppressant herbs that he has in the medicine cupboard. 

He creeps into his parents’ room, taking clothes from his father’s closet instead of his own clothes. He can’t risk bringing anything that has his natural scent or anything unnecessary that could out him for who he truly is. 

Reaching around his neck he unclasps the necklace his father gave him this morning, feeling as though he’s talking off his entire identity. He sets it down on his father’s bedside table, picking up the recruitment letter in its place. He looks down at his parents resting peacefully and immediately needs to look away. Gripping the letter tight in his fist, he turns away, heart racing a hundred miles per hour. 

Biting his cheek, Kihyun forces himself to slip out the door.  _ I’m sorry,  _ he thinks, trying to force his feet to walk away from his childhood home.  _ I truly wished to make you proud.  _

He saddles the horse, strapping down his supplies before going to the back and lifting the armor from its place on the wall. Ducking underneath and pulling it over his shoulders. It settles heavily on him, heavier than he thought it would. 

He takes the sword in his hand, adjusting so the sheath rests on his waist. He slips the shining metal blade inside. It hangs heavy on his left hip, feeling foreign against his leg. 

Trying his best to stay quiet, he walks back his horse, trying to adjust to the heavy armor. Heaving himself upon the saddle he doesn’t look back at his home as he rides away, knowing if he does he might not be able to go forward. 

His father’s right, he’s never known his place. And he isn’t going to learn it anytime soon. 

  
  



	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you to everyone who's waited patiently for this update! this fic is my baby and i'm so grateful for all the love and support this got from the first chapter.
> 
> on another note, i really don't know anything about military ranks, training, policy or even what time period i'm setting this in so bare with me on those details.

Hyunwoo wipes at the sweat forming on his brow, reading the recent messages sent in from the capital. The warm summer air makes the large tent seem stuffy and humid, the heavy uniform not helping either. 

The letter informs him of information he already knew: the extensive conscription ordered by the Emperor, and the various training regiments he’s supposed to be coordinating over the next few months. Or at least the regiments he hopes to be running. The General is supposed to be arriving to survey the camp and the new recruits - but there hasn’t been a captain assigned to lead the latest battalion. 

There are many senior Captains that are around that could take leadership, but Hyunwoo can’t help but think that if the General wanted one of them, they would already be instituted. 

“So, you’re going to be running this place?” 

Hyunwoo looks over his shoulder and sees Changkyun at the flap of his tent.

“Didn’t realize you were one for gossip,” Hyunwoo remarks, turning back to his desk where maps are laid out. 

Changkyun shrugs, coming up next to him, setting a long list of names down at his side. It’s lined with all the recruits listed to be arriving today. 

“You’re sure it’s gossip?” he asks, raising an eyebrow at the larger man.

Hyunwoo turns, leaning on the table. “The General is coming today, but no one said anything about getting a promotion.” 

“You mean, _you_ didn’t say anything about a promotion,” Changkyun corrects, leaning closer. “Come on, why else would he be stopping by today? The General knows that this camp is already prepped and ready, there’s no other reason for an inspection.”

Hyunwoo smiles slightly at his head medic, touched by the confidence. “Well, I guess we’ll just have to see when he gets here.”

“I know you’re worried others will think you got it because he’s your father, but honestly, it’ll be _despite_ him being your father. He’s been harder on you than anyone in these camps. And if anyone deserves one here - it’s you. You’d work harder than all those other captains we have. I know it.”

The compliments pile awkwardly on Hyunwoo’s shoulders, and he wishes he could appear more graceful under Changkyun’s kind words. He can’t deny the anticipation that churns inside him at the thought of his father handing him that higher title. 

“You’re too generous,” Hyunwoo says, shaking his head. “And lucky that none of them can pull rank on you when you talk like that.”

Changkyun looks a little smug about the mention of his position. He’s the youngest head medic Hyunwoo’s ever seen, but it was unsurprising to see him grow so fast. Usually, alphas are steered away from the medical tents, those positions kept for betas, but the young alpha was insistent on his background and training. 

In a battle as a soldier, Changkyun was an inexperienced fighter - hesitant and unsure - but the second he changed his uniform, Hyunwoo saw a transformation. 

Hyunwoo even remembers the words Changkyun told their commanding officer at the time. _“In battle, I’d be one man with a sword, but as a medic, I can be a hundred.”_

And he was right. During that year, he saved more lives than Hyunwoo can count, and it was no shock when he was promoted from nurse to assistant medic and finally to the head of the camp’s medical facilities. 

“Are you and your team ready?” he asks, moving the conversation away from himself. 

Changkyun chuckles. “Oh, I had them ready a week ago. We’re stocked and double stocked. I made sure of it.” He straightens up, sighing. “But I didn’t just come in here to badger about your new job. Hyungwon is supposed to take over check-in now, and since this is the 'strategy tent' or whatever I thought he’d be in here…” He looks around the empty tent. “Clearly, I’ve mistaken his internal alarm situation again.”

“I’ll find him,” Hyunwoo says, holding out his hand for the list. “We’ve got a big day starting. Well, make that a big month.”

“Right,” Changkyun says, passing it over. “Which is why I need to go power nap and then triple check everything before all the craziness starts.” 

Hyunwoo nods, and Changkyun excuses himself, slipping out from the large tent. 

Hyunwoo scans the list of names, several already having been checked out throughout the week. Recruitment for this war was sudden and vast, the need for soldiers overwhelming. As much as they need these soldiers to even stand a chance against the North, mass enlistment always brings difficulties. 

He sighs, running a hand through his hair. He needs these new recruits to be good. Anything less, and he’s not sure they’re going to make it. 

~~~

"It's fine, it's fine, you're going to be fine," Kihyun whispers to himself as he rides down the dirt pathway. His father's armor rests awkwardly on his shoulders as he rides. His back aches from the long ride, not used to the heavy weight of the leather armor. 

Over the hill, he sees the tops of the flags, indicating the entrance of the military camp. He comes over the top, and there it is. The vast grounds in his full line of vision now, long rows of tents, and training fields in front of him.

He grips down tighter on the reins, anxiety skyrocketing as he nears the entrance. If he's found out, he's dead. There's no way around it. He needs to be as convincing as he can be. He needs to give them no reason to give him a second glance. He's just like any other alpha soldier in the camp. 

His armor jostled loosely as his horse picks up its pace as if mocking his naive wishes and reminding him of his small build and thin body. He knows that he's going to stand out. Dreadfully. 

A tall, lanky man and two muscular guards stand at the entrance, watching him approach the gate. Kihyun realizes that this is his last chance to turn back because once he hands over the letter, it'll be done. He'll be a criminal. 

Letter clenched in his hand, he dismounts his horse and walks up to the tall man. He tries to puff up his chest, squaring his soldiers. "Soldier Yoo, reporting to General Son's camp," he states, putting as much confidence and authority into his words as he can. That's one thing he knows that alphas have too much of.

The man stares at him, disinterested, but takes the letter scanning over it. His eyes flicker up to Kihyun again, eyes narrowing, and Kihyun forces himself to breathe normally, despite his heart pounding in his chest. 

He hands the letter back, and Kihyun takes it from the man's long fingers, thankful that his hands don't shake. The tall man flips through the pages on his list, eyes lazily scanning through the rows of names. Every second that passes makes breathing a little harder than the last. 

"Continue," the man drawls, checking something off. "Roll call is at sunset. Don't be late." 

He nods probably a little too enthusiastically, relief coursing through him as he urges his horse beyond the gates. 

Behind him, he hears the guards chuckle. "That one's not going to last a week," he hears behind him. 

He clenches his jaw, forcing himself to move ahead. He imagines he's going to need to get used to comments like that. 

People bustle back and forth, some in big groups, others striding purposefully alone, barely even noticing Kihyun's presence. Kihyun swallows, glancing around. He feels small compared to the rest of the camp. 

He tries not to wrinkle his nose at the strong scent of alpha that covers the camp. At least he'll start to smell this way from proximity to all the other's scents. The suppressants have definitely done their job, blocking his usual sweet, floral scent. He's practically invisible, he realizes. No one even giving him a glance as he walks around to find a place to unload. He was worried about how long it would take to have a full effect, but he seems to be fine hiding behind the lingering alpha scent attached to his father's clothes.

Kihyun ties up his horse, unpacking his supplies, setting up his tent as far away from the other’s as he thinks he can without it looking like he's trying to hide something. He hopes that it doesn't look too suspicious. If anyone says anything, he thinks he can feign newcomer confusion well enough and adjust if need be, but the last thing he needs is someone snooping through his things and finding his suppressants or looking too closely at his body while getting ready in the mornings and at night. Privacy is his safest option.

Unsure of the safest place for them, he keeps his suppressants at the bottom of his bag. He can figure that out as he goes. 

Before he goes to explore the large camp, he decides to forgo the armor for the rest of the day. To his knowledge, training won't start until tomorrow, and the ache in his back and shoulders was beginning to become unbearable. On top of being unaccustomed to the weight bearing down on his frame, the armor was causing serious chafing after the long ride because of how ill-fitting it was, shifting back and forth painfully against his skin. He hopes that his body will grow more tolerant of it soon, but he really needs a break. He undoes the ties and takes off the heavy pieces, leaving it in a neat pile in his tent. Steps out of the tent and stretches, groaning in relief at freeing himself from under the hot, stuffy armor. 

He's still wearing his father's clothes for the scent, and in an attempt to not look like he's drowning in fabric, he's added some pins to possible give the illusion that these clothes are his own. It's not terribly successful, but he did pack his small sewing kit so he can hem some of the clothes when he has spare time. The shirt only looks slightly baggy on him, and he's tucked the long pants into his boots, tying the belt around his waist extra tight.

With everything situated as he can make it at the moment, he goes to explore the camp and start to get a feel for the area. 

Other alphas are setting up tents, and a steady stream of recruits seems to be coming from where Kihyun entered. He keeps his head low, trying to stay unnoticed. He walks the border of the camp, finding the extensive training grounds and walking by the large medical tent. He loops back to the other tents, intent on exploring the other end of the camp when he hears a shout in his direction.

"They're letting omegas into the army now!" a sneering voice calls from the side. Kihyun swallows and tries to quicken his pace, but the growl that follows makes his limbs freeze. "Hey! I'm talking to you!"

A large alpha sits bent over on one of the benches, sharpening his sword. He smirks at Kihyun's shocked stare. His muscles ripple as he holds his sword up, looking up the blade, checking his work. 

"I don't know what you're talking about," Kihyun retorts, glaring, moving to walk past the larger man. The alpha stands up, imposing his height over Kihyun, blocking his path. He chuckles menacingly, and Kihyun steps back, fear shooting through his spine. 

"You don't really expect me to believe you're an alpha, do you?" his eyes run down his body, smirk. 

Kihyun begins to feel panic taking over. It can't be over this fast. It just can't. 

"Well, I am," he snaps, trying to shove past the imposing figure, gasping when he's pushed back much harder in return, being grabbed and held way too close for comfort.

"Well, I bet you'll be just as tight as an omega," the alpha leers, the grip on Kihyun's shoulder squeezing painfully. 

"Hey! Junhwi cut that out." A voice from the side causes them both to look over, another muscular alpha stands in one of the tent entrances. 

The asshole - Junhwi - snarls, but lets Kihyun go, making a point to shove him down in the process. Kihyun scrambles back on the ground, panic making his breathing fuzzy. 

"Fuck off, Lee," Junhwi growls, stomping off. 

Kihyun watches him go, eyes wide, terrified about how quickly it all almost ended. He's barely been here an hour. He forces himself not to shrink back as the other muscular soldier approaches him.

"Sorry about him." The shorter alpha smiles apologetically, offering him a hand. "I'm Hoseok. Lee Hoseok." 

Eyeing it for a moment, Kihyun hesitantly takes the hand. "Yoo Kihyun."

Kihyun pulls himself up with the other's leverage to help. 

"Uh, thanks," he mutters. He brushes the dirt off, standing up straight. Hoseok smiles warmly at him, and Kihyun's taken aback by the friendliness that shines in his eyes. 

"He's a jackass," Hoseok comments, looking off in the direction the other alpha stalked off to. "No one wants him here. I mean, not everyone can be six-two, right?"

Kihyun laughs cautiously, noticing at that comment how Hoseok is roughly the same height as him, maybe a centimeter to two taller. However, it doesn't take more than a glance to see how built he still is, arms bulging under his long sleeves. Kihyun is grateful that Hoseok is choosing not to comment on how regardless of their lack of height difference that Kihyun is still indeed much smaller than everyone he's seen at the camp so far. 

"Did you just get here?" Hoseok asks, tilting his head. Kihyun nods, feeling shy under the attention. But hey, he really could use a friend here. 

"Yeah, I just unloaded all of my things by the housing tents, and I was just wandering to get a feel of the place. You?" 

"I've been here a few days now, but I was transferred here from another camp. I'm not part of the conscription. This was already my life even before we were invaded." 

"Ah," Kihyun makes a noise, but any words that would further a conversation get stuck in his throat, mind going completely blank. He really needs to get better at talking to alphas. Especially if he's trying to be one. 

"Have you eaten?" Hoseok asks, not seeming to notice Kihyun's internal crisis.

"U-um, no," he stutters.

"Well, I was just going to the dining tent if you want to join," Hoseok offers, and Kihyun tries to force a relaxed smile back, contrasting the nerves that buzz anxiously under his skin. Traditionally, it's taboo for omegas to be seen eating in public, and he's never eaten in front of alphas before. 

Privately, different households have different standards, but Kihyun was raised a certain way, rarely eating in his father's presence, and certainly never in front of any others that weren't immediate family. 

"If you don't mind," Kihyun manages to say, pushing down the shame in his gut that tells him that this is all wrong. 

"Not at all," Hoseok grins, motioning him to follow. "I wouldn't have asked otherwise." 

Nodding gratefully, Kihyun begins to follow Hoseok. While they're walking, he tries to study how the alpha holds himself. Hoseok walks purposefully, posture tall and confident. Without trying to be too obvious, Kihyun subtly tries to mirror him, taking stronger strides and straightening his back more, chin straight. Every molecule is telling him to shrink and walk behind Hoseok, but he can't. He needs to walk beside him as his equal, as though he wasn't meant for anything less.

A rebellious thrill shoots through him as he falls in stride next to Hoseok, occasionally meeting the alpha's eyes as he points out different things about the camp or various officers that are passing by. He even thinks about _interrupting_ the alpha at one point just to try it but holds back because he actually is really starting to like Hoseok and doesn't want to appear ungrateful for his kindness. 

"And we didn't get to pass it but over there on the far end is where the higher ranking officer's tents are. Like the strategy tent and the housing. It's also next to the archery range."

"It's a lot to take in," Kihyun comments, and he can smell the dining tent before he even sees it. A large tent appears around the corner, looking bustling and busy. 

Hoseok hums, leading them to the entrance. "If it makes you feel better, it's actually not that big once you get used to it."

Kihyun hopes so because the maze of tents and sheds seems massive.

His stomach clenches in pain as he smells the food, reminding him how he hasn't eaten in nearly two days, too nervous before match day to keep anything down and then too humiliated after to feel any hunger.

They walk in through the large open flaps and- _wow_, there's a lot of soldiers.

It's boisterous in the dining tent, full of shouting and ruckus. Hoseok doesn't seem phased, but Kihyun has to force his breathing to remain normal, the crowds of alphas causing his nerves to spike uneasily. 

Sticking as close to Hoseok as he can, he weaves them through the crowd to the line for food - some kind of stew gets put into his bowl, and the alpha handing out servings smirks at him, eyes trailing down his body before he's handed a meal. 

It unsettles him, snatching the tray and keeping his head down as he just takes whatever they put on his plate. 

Hoseok is surveying the room as Kihyun catches up to him. "Come on, there are some more people you can meet," he says, leading them to the corner of the large tent where a pair of alphas is sat at a table. 

Kihyun follows Hoseok but is hesitant to approach the group. He grips down on his tray harder, trying to will his nerves down.

One of the men looks up as he sees them approaching, a friendly smile reveals the dimples on his face.

The other turns around to see who his friend is looking at, eyes lighting in recognition when seeing Hoseok and curiosity when he sees Kihyun trailing behind. 

"Hyung!" The first calls, patting the spot next to him. 

"This is Kihyun," Hoseok introduces him, sitting down next to the dimpled man. Kihyun realizes the open spot is next to the second stranger, not next to Hoseok. He falters for a moment, but sits down, putting plenty of space between him and the other. 

"He's cute," the man next to him comments, eyeing Kihyun. "Lee Minhyuk," he announces, sticking out his hand. 

Trying to recover from the mortifying _cute_ comment, Kihyun forces himself to meet the handsome alpha's eyes and shake his hand.

"Lee Jooheon," the other alpha says, nodding his head at Kihyun but not reaching out his hand, which Kihyun is honestly grateful. 

Jooheon looks like a typical alpha, sitting in a wide stance, broad shoulders, and sharp eye contact that makes Kihyun stop short from submissively ducking his head. Minhyuk, on the other hand, looks more similar to Kihyun's own build. It makes him feel a little bit better for about a minute before he realizes that even with Minhyuk's slim build, he has no problem dominating a conversation. His body language is enthusiastic, and he's… with a lack of a better word: loud. 

"Kihyun just got here today," Hoseok says, taking a bite of his dinner. Kihyun envies how relaxed he is, his mouth feels dry at the thought of taking his first bite from his plate. It feels like a thousand eyes are on him, pressure pressing down on his shoulders. He doesn't belong here. He just wants to take his food and go hide in his tent, away from preying alpha eyes where he should be. 

"I came here with Hoseok, Minhyuk just got here yesterday? Two days ago?" 

"Two days," Minhyuk says, mouth full of food. "But doesn't it feel like we've known each other for our whole lives, Jooheonie?"

Jooheon chokes on his food, but Kihyun barely registers the conversation. Taking a breath, he takes a spoonful of his stew and forces it in his mouth, praying that none of the alphas notice how tense he is. He tries to relax his shoulders, focusing on eating without looking like he's more stressed than he was when he entered the camp. 

He feels Hoseok's eyes watching him, and he so badly wants to shrink into nothingness. Paranoia buzzes under his skin, aching away any appetite he had when he entered. 

He picks at his food for the rest of the meal, trying not to appear too humiliated when Minhyuk points out his "cute hamster cheeks" or when Hoseok's feet brush against his under the table.

He follows the group out of the tent, thankful for the fresh air, trailing behind the chatting group.

Kihyun realizes as he watches Minhyuk drag Jooheon around, playfully roughhousing that he's been acting nothing like any alpha he's met so far would act in his situation. He feels sick at how easily he slipped back into his instinctual submissive headspace, trying to quietly blend into the background of social situations, just the way he was taught to. 

It makes him want to lose the little food he ate, wondering if the others already have figured out his secret. His behavior had been so omegan the past half-hour he mentally berates himself, suddenly panicking trying to think of ways to prove to the others that they're mistaken.

_What's something alphas do?_ He wracks his brain for something, his frantic mind only coming up with a confused: _punch someone!_

Panicking, he quickly falls into step with Hoseok, bumping his shoulder into the larger and punching him in the side. Hoseok side steps, freezing - looking at Kihyun in surprise. Kihyun's heart stops, and he thinks that he really fucked everything this time when Hoseok suddenly laughs. "That tickled!" he says, punching Kihyun back, and Kihyun holds back a pained yelp because _holy shit, that hurt._

"Tickled?" he cries indignantly, rubbing his arm, glaring. Hoseok giggles, slinging an arm around Kihyun's shoulders. 

"You're cute, Kihyunnie," Hoseok says, squeezing him under his arm. 

_Alphas curse at each other_, Kihyun's brain helpfully supplies. "Fuck you," Kihyun says, proud of his delivery because Hoseok just laughs more. 

He thinks that he's managed to save himself for now… and maybe he's even made a friend.

~~~

Sunset falls quickly after dinner, and all recruits have begun gathering at the center of the camp. 

"They're just going to double-check your name on their list. But that's just a formality - really it's so the Captain can get a look at who everyone is," Hoseok explains as they hang around the outskirts of the crowd. 

That's the last thing Kihyun wants - lying under the radar is pretty much his whole plan, but he just nods, hoping that Hoseok doesn't note his nervous shifting.

He hears a sharp silence fall over the crowd, causing him to look over.

Three men have exited the main tent, one being the tall man who greeted Kihyun at the front gates, one is older and has a high ranking uniform, but the last in line makes Kihyun's breath catch. He carries a strong dominance and an air of authority. The older man steps up. 

"That's the General," Hoseok whispers. 

"Soldiers," the General speaks. "The responsibility of the leadership of your battalion has been given to Captain Son Hyunwoo." The young officer nods, bowing to the rule of the General. 

"It is an honor to serve his Majesty." The Captain's voice is sturdy and smooth, a deep rumble that Kihyun feels in his chest. 

Kihyun's breath holds as Captain Son's eyes scan through the large crowd of recruits. For a single frightening moment, he's caught under the alpha's stare, and it makes every cell inside him burn with a burning intensity. He lets out a deep breath when he's released from his gaze. 

"I will take my leave now, but will be leaving this camp under Captain Son's and Lieutenant Chae's capable hands." The General nods and walks off where an attendant has his horse prepared. 

They're ordered to stand in a line formation, the pair starting at the end of the line, making their way slowly through the range of recruits. Anxiety festers in Kihyun's chest as the Captain and Lieutenant near his place in line. He can feel his heart pounding in his chest when they reach Hoseok, knowing that he's next.

They check off Hoseok quickly, and suddenly Kihyun is being scrutinized again. 

"What's your name?" Captain Son eyes him skeptically. 

"Yoo Kihyun," he answers, trying to keep his voice steady and confident, no matter how much of himself wants to cower from the attention. He holds his chin high, squaring his shoulders. The Captain's left eyebrow raises, staring him down as Chae scans his long list of names.

"We were expecting Yoo Gunhwan," the tall man reads from his list, once again eyeing Kihyun with a skepticism that makes his bones shrink.

He swallows, trying to hide the tight bundle of fear vibrating at the bottom of his stomach. "I'm his son," he says, every part of him hoping and praying that they just nod and move on.

"I didn't know he had an alpha son," Captain Son says, crossing his arms and eyeing his smaller figure.

"He… doesn't talk about me much."

He hears some muttering behind him, the loudest comment _"I wouldn't either"_ earning snickers from the surrounding recruits.

The Captain clears his throat, sharp eyes sweeping over the crowd. The silence swiftly follows.

His dark eyes return to Kihyun, studying him, making him feel small and pinned down. Every instinct tells Kihyun to look down, and he swallows, unsure of what to say.

"Alright," the Captain gives, causing relief to course through Kihyun's veins. "Soldier Yoo… Kihyun," he repeats, shooting a look over to the man with the board of names, who scribbles down the correction. He tries not to react to how the alpha says his name. He can feel the skepticism and doubt, but he tries to breathe through it. The Captain gives him another scan before moving onto Kihyun's neighbor.

His eyes close in relief as they continue to move down the line. He wonders if the hardest part was over. No one's kicking him out or searching his tent.

The sun is long set by the time roll call is finished, and Kihyun's restless feet begin to ache. 

The Captain walks out in front of them again. "You're expected to be up and ready for training by the time the sun has officially risen past the horizon. A horn will sound at the peak of dawn. Get rest. You'll need it."

The pair walks away, and Kihyun doesn’t move from his spot until they disappear into one of the tents. He lets go of the breath he didn’t know he was holding.

The large group of recruits makes their way back to the housing tents, Kihyun trailing behind. He sees Hoseok talking to others in front of him, and hopes that the man wants to continue their friendship. Despite Kihyun’s initial anxiety, Hoseok's unexpected softness and protective nature was a comforting buffer to all the fear that surrounds Kihyun's situation. 

He breaks off from the group, smiling when Hoseok waves him goodnight. He approaches his small tent, entering through the flap and closing it up behind, thoughts moving towards the Captain without even realizing it. He was intimidating. Kihyun still can feel the lingering tension from his stare, dark eyes pinning him down. Kihyun wonders how he’ll fare in training. He’s never done anything of the sort, he’s terrified he’s going to stand out like a sore thumb. 

_ He smelled good. _ The thought stubbornly sticks to the front of Kihyun’s mind, and he hates himself for it. The suppressants have done their job well enough, and so far, most of the other alpha’s scents barely make his nose twitch, but there was something special about Captain Son’s smell. Something musty and addicting, something… comforting?

He scoffs at himself, lightly smacking the head of his head. “Stop it,” he mutters, trying to rid the Captain from his thoughts. 

Lighting his lantern, he unpacks some more of his things, taking a few minutes to hem some of his father’s long pants as well as use some of the clothing to add extra padding underneath his armor, especially in the shoulders. He hopes it will help, even if it’s just a small bit more comfortable. 

Changing into softer clothes and blowing out his lantern, he curls up on his mat. Unwelcome feelings of loneliness suddenly weigh down on his body like a blanket. Squeezing his eyes shut, he forces himself to sleep, painful thoughts of home and terrifying what-ifs about the future filling his head as an exhausting form of white noise. 

Kihyun curls himself smaller, trying to be his own comfort as he drifts away into nothingness.

~~~

A horn trumpeting in the distance pulls Kihyun out of his sleep. He slept restlessly, waking at the slightest sounds of footsteps nearing his tent and shallow dreams filled with his father's disappointed words echoing. His limbs feel sluggish as he tugs on fresh clothes. 

Boiling some water on his small flame, he makes himself some porridge, something he can blissfully eat without the company of alphas. He gets ready in the dim light of the flame, morning light slowly warming the camp. 

His attempt last night to add some padding to the inside of the oversized armor certainly helped some. He adjusts the armor over his clothes, satisfied that it’s more snug around his shoulders. He doesn’t know if it helps with the fact that he looks like he’s drowning, but at least it will stop rubbing so vigorously against his skin. 

He hears someone outside of his tent, and he freezes. He takes a peek, relieved to see it's Hoseok. "Morning," he calls lifting the flap, and Hoseok smiles, repeating it back.

"You're not going to need that today," Hoseok says, eyeing Kihyun's armor. "Actually, you probably won't need it for a while. Captain Son likes to train without armor. We'll add it later."

Kihyun flushes. "Oh," he mutters, reaching to undo the ties. 

"Let me," Hoseok says, and Kihyun wants to refuse, but Hoseok's already stepping up and getting the tricky ones on his back. 

Kihyun stops himself from saying anything, letting Hoseok help him take off the heavy shoulder pads. In the process of taking it off, Kihyun's borrowed shirt gets tugged up, which he hastily tries to fix. Flustered, Kihyun kneels down to undo the shin guards. Even though the alphas here seem to have no problems showing skin, Kihyun can't help but be shy, as well as cautious. Any observations about differences between his body and the other's can lead to irreversible suspicions. 

He doesn't know if Hoseok doesn't notice his strange behavior or if he's just choosing not to comment, but either way, he's grateful. 

They walk together to the training grounds, joining the small crowd that's already there. Kihyun spots Minhyuk on the ground stretching and the other alpha Jooheon watching him from the few feet away. He's surprisingly flexible, Kihyun will give him that. 

"Soldiers!" The Captain's voice makes Kihyun's heart jump in his chest, spinning around to where the large alpha stands. All the scattered soldiers quickly arrange in a line, Kihyun somehow getting sandwiched between two large soldiers he's never met before, Hoseok a few soldiers down from him. The Captain steps out in front of them, walking down the line. He's in loose neutral colored clothes, the shirt having a v-neck that shows off the broadness of his chest. Kihyun tries not to stare.

"Every morning, you will assemble swiftly and quietly. Anyone who does otherwise will face appropriate consequences." He stops, scanning the line before continuing. 

"I will be demonstrating how to aim and fire a bow and arrow accurately." 

The Captain pulls off his shirt, revealing golden-toned muscles and broad shoulders. Kihyun tries to keep his sharp intake of breath unnoticeable, bringing his eyes immediately down. He can feel the blood rushing to his face, and he desperately tries to will it away.

He mentally berates himself, cursing under his breath. Why did the Captain have to be so damn attractive?

"Soldier Yoo!" He looks up, startled by his name being called, dread immediately welling up in his chest. "You must already be an expert!" The Captain cocks at eyebrow at him, smirking. "Since you don't seem to think you need to watch the demonstration." 

Kihyun's mouth falls open, stuttering, "N-no! No, Sir, I-" 

"Why don't you come and demonstrate?" Captain Son walks up and throws his large bow at him. He scrambles to catch it, causing chuckles to break out around him. 

He clutches the bow in his hands and gapes at the Captain. He _can't_ be serious. 

"We don't have all day, Yoo." Captain Son says, turning around, walking back the quiver of arrows. It gives Kihyun a brilliant view of his back, the sun making his skin glow in the light. He feels his mouth go dry. 

He's suddenly pulled from his thoughts when he's shoved forward, and he yelps, stumbling and falling on his hands and knees. He hears more laughter from behind. He closes his eyes, willing the embarrassment to end, and to just die on the spot. 

Instead, he feels a dominant hand gripping his arm as he's abruptly pulled up, staring straight at the Captain's golden chest, nose inches away. He gasps, flinching back, but is held tightly in place, looking up at the towering alpha. 

He swallows, clenching at the bow in his hands. "I-I'm sorry, Captain," he manages to get out, trying his best to ignore how _good_ the taller smells this close - musty alpha scent making his stomach clench. 

Captain Son narrows his eyes, scanning his face, and Kihyun can't help the terror that suddenly shoots through his veins - the terrifying thought that _oh God, he knows._

"Get in line, and pay attention," Captain Son orders, his voice on the edge of a growl. He releases Kihyun and grabs the bow from his hands, turning away. 

Kihyun can't help but stare for a moment before the command sinks in, and he scurries back to his place in line, heart pounding in relief that the Captain wasn't going to make him humiliate himself further. 

Buzzing adrenaline in his veins, he watches the Captain explain how to stand and shoot, trying his best to keep his eyes from traveling down the vast expanse of Captain Son's back and the valley of muscles that flex as he pulls back the string of the bow. 

Even with his thoughts running wild, Kihyun has never been more grateful for suppressants, knowing how strong his scent could be right now if he weren't taking them. Everyone and the Captain would know precisely where his thoughts were, and he's not sure he could take any more humiliation. 

The arrow releases right into the bullseye marked on the tree. "Questions?" The Captain turns around, eyes scanning the crowd. No one says anything, and he nods, turning and motioning to the rack of bows and arrows. "Training begins now and stops when everyone can hit their mark. No sooner. Anyone who arrived late can begin after they've done five laps around the camp. Don't risk thinking that I don't know who arrived late." 

Kihyun swallows. This day is going to be hell.

"Begin!"

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> showki finally meets! please leave some comments about what you thought of this chapter <3
> 
> come be friends with me on twitter (i post chapter previews there too!)
> 
> [twitter](https://twitter.com/lostnthedream) // [cc](https://curiouscat.me/lostnthedream)


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I KNOW. ITS BEEN LIKE FIVE MONTHS. BUT HEY. IT'S FINALLY HERE.
> 
> this chapter is like the longest thing i've ever written so enjoy all the food 
> 
> okay, but first some quick housekeeping: omegas in this universe are intersex. (no ass baby trope in MY abo universe, nosiree) this is discussed minorly in this chapter but i thought i'd just let y'all know. 
> 
> please note the added tags! there is attempted sexual assault in this chapter, so please take care of yourself and mind the added warnings.
> 
> also, this is a showki fic i swear, not kiho, they're just really good friends okay
> 
> enjoy!!!! i honestly thought this would never get done so i'm kinda proud of this okay :((
> 
> pls leave a comment letting me know what you think!!!! ily all <3

“Ah!” With a shout, Kihyun’s body gets slammed into the dirt. He groans in pain, fingers digging into the dirt as victorious calls ring out around him.

“Hojung proceeds to the next round!” the trainer announces, calling for the next pair to enter. 

Cheek in the dirt, Kihyun briefly closes his eyes, drowning in frustration. He drags himself up, wincing as he stands, and the next pair enters. 

Junho, the incoming alpha, makes it a point to ‘accidentally’ knock into his shoulder as Kihyun limps past him - hard. Grunting, he stumbles to the hide, catching himself before falling. Chuckles vibrate around him and the silence of the trainer stings.

Glaring, he exits the marked ring, forcing his way through the surrounding crowd. Hoseok comes around to him, sympathy lining his eyes. 

He puts an arm over his shoulder, and just as he opens his mouth, Kihyun interjects. “Please, don’t say it wasn’t that bad. I’m pathetic at hand-to-hand, and you know it.”

Hoseok’s mouth snaps shut, and he frowns. Kihyun feels bad for snapping, but he’s getting  _ so  _ frustrated with himself. Hoseok must see that because he doesn’t let go of his shoulder. 

“We can practice together later if you want?” Hoseok offers.

Kihyun’s body aches at the thought of more training, but he nods. Being beaten in private by Hoseok is a thousand times more bearable than group training. 

Kihyun has gotten used to being battered and bruised. Weeks have passed, and he feels like he’s managed to get worse than he was before if that was even possible. 

Kihyun has never had any kind of physical training before, and it shows. Most of the other soldiers that weren’t already in the army came previously from physically demanding jobs. Some were field laborers, others blacksmiths and carpenters, some built roads, and others carried stones. 

They’re bigger than Kihyun, they’re stronger than Kihyun, and they all get a kick when they mercilessly remind him that. 

The small mercy is that despite his faults, he’s thankfully been taken as a poor example as an alpha rather than not one at all. He’s embarrassing, laughably weak, and small, but still an alpha. 

Maybe the idea that an omega would even think about disguising themselves is too beyond the realm of possibility for them. Too extreme. Why would an omega willingly walk right into the lion’s den?

But his accepted false identity doesn’t keep away everything. Living in fear is a part of his daily life, having to hear the terrifying, vindictive whispers,  _ “do you think he even has a knot?” _

To his great relief, none of them have taken it further than whispers and campfire gossip. No one has tried to violently pry his legs apart to see for themselves. 

The mortifying truth is that he knew that they could if they tried. 

To say the least, Kihyun doesn’t sleep well, and the lack of sleep isn’t helping his performance whatsoever. The various trainers and the Captain single him out all the time as examples of what  _ not _ to do. At this point, Kihyun is one hundred percent sure that Captain Son thinks he’s a lost cause. The amount of sighs and tired looks he’s received from the man is honestly humiliating. 

Captain Son’s disappointment hits stronger than any other officer in the camp. Kihyun reasons it’s because he’s the highest-ranking officer here. He’s directly responsible for every person at the camp. 

Deep down in a place where Kihyun is more truthful with himself and decidedly  _ not _ an alpha, he knows that he has a deeply ingrained need for perfection - a craving to be obedient. Something about the Captain’s strong aura of authority and power awakens that need inside of himself.

He knows that the Captain is his greatest weakness here. He draws out the natural instincts that Kihyun tries to compress and lock in the darkest recesses of his mind. He’s managed to hold them at bay while he’s conscious, but his mind runs wild at night - various dreams of fantasies plaguing his mind - like kneeling in front of the Captain, whispered praises of how good he is warming his ears. A firm but gentle hand cards through his hair while his mouth is stuffed full, absolutely brimming with a thick, pulsing knot. His nose is buried in the Captain’s hair, and the Captain’s rich, musky scent is clouding all of Kihyun’s senses, making him weak in the most intimate ways.

He wakes up those mornings hot and wet, scrambling to cover the subtle, but sweet scent that’s managed to push through the scent blockers. 

Then there are the bad dreams. The nightmares where Kihyun’s true identity is found out, and he’s stripped of all titles and rights he’s pretended he’s had. He’s thrown in front of the Captain, clothes torn, the smells of anger and rage choking him from all areas. His family is always there too, with echoes of all the things he’s been told screaming in his ears as he pleads for mercy that no one will give him. 

He honestly doesn’t know which dreams are worse. 

He’s also one hundred percent sure that Hoseok has figured out his secret. Not just because the friendly alpha is the first to visit his tent in the mornings, but the friendship he’s received from the alpha feels undeserved and… strange. 

Hoseok’s friendship has been Kihyun’s rock, something he’s selfishly allowed himself to rely on. He doesn’t know how many more scathing words and shoves he’d be receiving if Hoseok wasn’t constantly at his side. He must be aware of the protection he provides, even if it’s unintentional. 

He has to know. There’s no way he’d be offering Kihyun as much protection as he does if he didn’t. 

But Kihyun’s not going to risk asking. There’s still that small part that isn’t sure enough to confide in his dear friend. A piece that isn’t ready to stop pretending.

It’s about two months later when Kihyun puts himself in a position where he doesn’t have a choice. When the exhaustion had caught up to him in a way that nearly ruined everything, it almost made the nightmares become a reality. 

They get run absolutely ragged one day, barely any rest or time to eat. Kihyun spends the afternoon getting thrown around like a ragdoll during the afternoon combat training. That night they’re forced to climb the nearby mountain with large sacks over their shoulders. Kihyun falls tremendously behind, tears beginning to pool in his eyes in frustration when Hoseok falls back to help him. He’s humiliated, but he lets Hoseok take half his load, forcing his feet to move one in front of the other even though his bruised body begs for a break. 

When they finally get back, he passes out before he even gets a chance to change, darkness dragging him away into one of the first deep nights of sleep he’s had since he’s been at the camp. 

A rough hand on his shoulder rouses him in the morning, blearily he opens his eyes and blinks up at his visitor.

“You’re usually awake when I get here, did you sleep through the morning song?” 

Kihyun scrunched his eyebrows, still blinking sleep from his eyes. He never slept through the horn at dawn before, but he must have.  _ Shit, does that mean they’re late? _

“Shit.” He sits up, scrambling for his bag when he realizes he’s still in yesterday’s clothes. He groans, knowing he smells and looks horrible. 

“Are we late?” he asks, pulling out new clothes from his bag. 

Hoseok stands. “No, but I’d hurry if I were you. We’re going to be hiking off-site today.”

Kihyun’s body aches at the thought of more physical activity, but he knows there’s nothing he can do. “I’ll meet you at the grounds, don’t be late because of me.”

Hoseok hums and leaves the tent, and Kihyun scrambles to get ready as fast as he can. Throwing on his clothes and shoving his boots on, he jogs to the morning meeting place, praying he’s managed to get there before the Captain and the Lieutenant. 

The second he gets there, the Captain exits the tent and takes a second to catch his breath. He did it. Barely. 

He surveys the line, pausing for a moment on Kihyun and his harsh breathing before moving on and clearing his throat, adam’s apple bobbing from Kihyun’s side profile view. 

“We’ll be working on more endurance training today. We have a new route through the forest that I will be leading. The small group isolated for canon and ammunitions training will be staying behind with Lieutenant Chae. Those soldiers have been spoken to. Otherwise, everyone else grab a pack and we’ll be going.”

Kihyun grabs one of the large packs full of supplies and pulls it up over his shoulder, pulling his arm through the other strap. Captain Son leads them to a new path at the edge of the forest and they begin their hike, straps digging harshly into Kihyun’s shoulders with every step.

It’s not until they’re well into the woods that Kihyun suddenly realizes his mistake. That he was supposed to take his suppressants last night. That he had passed out before the thought had been given a moment to appear. 

His stomach drops, sudden panic shooting through his veins. 

At any moment, he could start smelling like himself. The heat cycles he’s been suppressing could begin to work their way through his body before it was too late to stop them. 

He swallows against the dryness of his throat and accidentally stumbles into the soldier next to him, suddenly unsteady with the heavy weight on his back. He murmurs an apology, and the soldier growls back but keeps marching. 

Kihyun ducks his head, trying to appear calm. He needs to get back to the camp. At all costs. 

Two long hours later, Captain Son calls for a small break when they reach a clearing and Kihyun takes his chance, going up to Hoseok and grabbing his arm. 

“I need to talk to you,” he says, motioning his head back to the forest. 

Hoseok looks at him wide-eyed for a moment but nods, letting Kihyun pull him away. His palms itch as he ducks into the tree line, pulling Hoseok behind a large tree. 

“I need to get back to camp,” he says, fists clenched nervously. 

Hoseok looks confused. “What? Why? Are you sick?”

Imaginary claws dig into Kihyun’s chest as the words get stuck in his throat. He shakes and ducks his head, swallowing hard. 

Hoseok tilts his head, eyebrows furrowing. “Then, why…”

“Because…” Kihyun glances around nervously before leaning in closer. “Because, you know…” 

Hoseok opens his mouth like he wants to complete his sentence, but no words come out. Kihyun motions with his hand.  _ Please, don’t make me say it. Please. _

“Uh…” Hoseok’s annoying blank state has Kihyun bite back a growl.

“I know you know,” he hisses, hitting the other’s shoulder, actually starting to get frustrated. “Please, don’t make me say it.”

Hoseok rubs his shoulder, hurt, confusion still lining his face.

“What are you talking about?” 

“I know you know that I’m not an alpha,” Kihyun whispers, gritting his teeth.

Hoseok’s eyes go wide, stepping back. “ _ What _ ?”

Kihyun steps closer, quickly trying to explain. “I forgot to take my suppressants last night, and if I don’t soon, everyone’s going to know.”

“ _ Suppressants _ ? Kihyun, what are you-” Hoseok shakes his head, staring at Kihyun in shock. “Oh my god, you’re an  _ omega _ ?”

“Shut!” Kihyun shoves a hand over Hoseok’s mouth. “Be  _ quiet _ , oh my god, if anyone hears you…” 

Hoseok stares, gripping his wrist, but nods after a moment. Kihyun exhales, dropping his hand. “You’re saying that you didn’t know?” 

Hoseok shakes his head, large eyes staring back at him with a completely dumbfounded look on his face. 

“B-but,” Kihyun feels a strange fear and humiliation well up in him. Oh god, he just outed himself. This whole time he's convinced himself that Hoseok would be safe, Hoseok already knew so it would be fine, but now… “So all those times you protected me and comforted me…”

“We’re friends! I was being  _ nice _ .” Hoseok looks suddenly very stressed out, hands coming up and running through his hair, gripping at the ends. “Oh my  _ god- _ ”

“Please, don’t tell anyone,” Kihyun begs, panic building inside of him. “Hoseok, please. If you tell someone, they-” 

“Tell?” Hoseok looks up, meeting Kihyun’s fearful eyes, heart pounding in his chest. “Oh, Kihyun, I would never.”

“You wouldn’t?” Kihyun hates how weak his voice sounds, but he can’t stop it. 

“No, Kihyun, I swear-”

Holding back a cry of relief, Kihyun pulls the large alpha into a hug. “Thank you,” he whispers, tears stinging his eyes. 

Hoseok’s arms hesitantly come around him, losing the tension and pulling him closer. Burying his face in Hoseok’s shoulder, Kihyun wonders if this is going to change everything now. If Hoseok will still treat him in the same open way he always did. 

“What the hell are you doing here, Kihyun?” Hoseok asks softly into his neck. Kihyun shakes his head. Now isn’t the time for sharing stories. He still needs his suppressants and Hoseok thankfully seems to be on board with helping him - at the very least okay with hiding his identity. 

“Not now,” Kihyun says, pulling back. “Will you help me?”

“What do you need?” 

“I need to get back to my tent.” Kihyun peaks around the tree. So far, it looks like everyone is still distracted. 

Hoseok paces, nodding. “I got this. The Captain will listen to me.”

He turns to go back, Kihyun following behind him, but he suddenly freezes, causing Kihyun to run into his back. 

“Um, maybe, stay here? I didn’t want to make this weird, but your scent was starting to come through…”

Kihyun flushes, stepping back. “Oh.”

Swallowing, Hoseok nods, turning back around and jogging back to the others.

Kihyun slumps against the nearest tree, putting his head in his hands, breathing deeply through his nose. That was so close. Too close. He can’t be that stupid ever again. Hoseok is one major exception, anyone else would turn Kihyun in without a second thought, but maybe not before trying to have their way with him. His legs are weak with relief, and he slides down the tree trunk, sitting at its base, knees up to his chest. 

He swallows against the dryness of his throat. He’s getting too careless. He can’t forget to take his suppressants, no matter how exhausted he feels, he just  _ can’t _ forget. 

He hears footsteps coming up behind the tree, and he looks up. Hoseok sticks his head around, looking down at Kihyun, smiling. 

“Okay, we’re good to go,” Hoseok says, ushering him to follow the path back to the camp.

Kihyun scurries up, falling into step with Hoseok hurriedly. “W-wait, really?” He’d never imagine it to be that easy. “What did you tell him?”

“There was pressing medical need for you to go back to the camp,” Hoseok says. “The Captain trusts me, so there wasn’t much more to say.”

“That’s it? That’s all you said?” 

“Well… I mean, I said that you weren’t feeling well but couldn’t leave the woods because of, well… I may have implied uncontrollable, uh… bowel issues.”

Kihyun stops. Like he hadn’t been embarrassed in front of Captain Son enough. “Oh my god.”

“Don’t worry, I said we both ate something strange. I can get Changkyun to back us up if need be.”

“You told him I had diarrhea.” Kihyun feels mortified. 

“No, I told him  _ we _ had diarrhea,” Hoseok corrects. 

“Hoseok-” Kihyun presses his hands into his eyes, not knowing how to even respond.

“Don’t worry about it,” Hoseok shushes, putting a hand on his shoulder, moving Kihyun forward. 

Kihyun pushes down the humiliation welling up in his chest and continues on. He wonders if it’ll be possible to go one day without making a fool of himself in front of the Captain. 

They retrace their path, keeping a steady pace heading back to camp. Hoseok keeps glancing back to check on him, which Kihyun tries his best to ignore. He really hopes that this doesn’t change their relationship or make it awkward in any way. Right now, he’s mostly relieved that Hoseok reacted as well as he could have hoped to the news. Anything less would have been a disaster. 

They reach the camp after about two more hours, Kihyun speed walking up to his tent, ready to correct his stupid mistake.

“I’ll be back to check on you in a second,” Hoseok says, and before Kihyun can say that he doesn’t  _ need _ to be ‘checked up on,’ Hoseok is already striding away. Shaking his head Kihyun gets to making his suppressant tea, boiling the water and steeping the powerful herbs. 

While he waits, he takes a sniff of his own clothing and wrists. He’s not very aware of his own scent at the best of times, but after getting used to being scentless, he’s been better at picking it up. It’s faint, but Hoseok wasn’t lying when he said it was coming out. 

Paranoid, he adds some more dried herbs into the tea, hoping this will make their effect stronger and more immediate.

Giving it a moment to cool, he takes a big gulp, forcing down the bitter drink. He tries to down it quickly and get it over with. The taste is truly horrible. 

He hears familiar footsteps approaching his tent and he doesn’t have to look up to know it’s Hoseok. He takes another drink as the flap opens, light shining in.

Hoseok stands in the tent entrance with a large bag slung over his shoulder, and his mat rolled under his arm. Kihyun looks at him strangely. 

“What are you doing?”

“Moving in with you,” Hoseok says, and that makes Kihyun choke on the bitter tea. 

“ _ What?”  _

“I’m moving in with you,” Hoseok repeats like it explains everything. 

“ _ No.  _ No, you’re not.” Kihyun argues, shaking his head. He knocks back the last of the bitter drink, wincing. “Hyung, what are you thinking?”

“I…” Hoseok bites his lip, eyes flickering to the ground. “I can’t just let you sleep here alone, unprotected. Not anymore.”

“I can take care of myself.”

“I know. And I truly understand that, but if anybody ever had any suspicions and they come here when you’re sleeping, unprepared, vulnerable?” Hoseok swallows. “I can’t leave that to chance. So, please. Please let me stay with you.”

He hates the idea that he isn’t enough to protect himself, but he knows that Hoseok is right. Kihyun gets overpowered on the daily during training. The small dagger he keeps by his pillow is the most protection he has against an assault in the night. 

“I don’t know if I’ll be able to sleep knowing that you’re out here alone,” Hoseok adds, shuffling his feet.

Kihyun is silent, conflict raging inside him.

“You didn’t do this before,” Kihyun says.  _ You’re only doing this because I told you my secret. _

Hoseok tightens his grip on his bag strap. He nods, ducking his head. “I know.”

“Please, put your stuff back,” Kihyun says quietly, hoping Hoseok will go without a fight. 

Hoseok clenches his jaw and stands silently for a moment. Kihyun can see the gears turning in his head. 

“You’re in so much danger here… Ki, if anyone finds out,” Hoseok stops when Kihyun’s eyes snap up from the ground. Like he doesn’t know every terrifying risk he’s taking every second he breathes in this camp. 

“I’m sorry,” Hoseok says, adjusting his grip on his things. “But you’re my friend. Probably the best friend I’ve ever had. I don’t know what I’d do if I found out something happened to you, and I could’ve done something to stop it.”

That strikes a different chord. Kihyun doesn’t think he’s ever had someone he truly called a friend. He had a few acquaintances from his village - other omegas he went to school with, but a best friend?

Kihyun also knows that he hasn’t slept well since he got here, every close sound jerking him awake and having him reach for the dagger handle just in case. Kihyun feels the stubbornness inside him wilt, the cement of his walls crack just a bit more. 

_ He’s safe _ , a part of him calls. The part that wants to be protected and taken care of. The part that Kihyun so desperately pushes back in his mind. 

Hoseok, despite his large frame, stands timidly, watching Kihyun with begging eyes, hands gripping his belongings tightly. Kihyun’s heart finally gives way. 

“There isn’t a lot of room,” Kihyun finally says, softening as a careful smile creeps across Hoseok’s face.

“I don’t need a lot of room,” Hoseok says back, dropping his bag on the floor from his shoulder. 

“Have you seen yourself?” Kihyun deadpans.

“There’s room next to yours!” Hoseok points indignantly, but can’t help but smile at the teasing. “And it’s okay, I’m a cuddler,” he adds, dropping his rolled mat next to Kihyun. 

Kihyun lets him. 

~~~

  
  


Later that night, when the troops have returned and sunset has long past, Kihyun gets ready for bed for the first time with a roommate. 

He takes out his softer sleep clothes and glances over at Hoseok. He feels shy, never having undressed in front of someone before. Certainly not an alpha. Even if he was his closest friend. 

Hoseok seems none the wiser to Kihyun’s hesitance, digging through his own bag of clothes. He strips his shirt like it didn’t even take a second thought and goes for his pants immediately. 

An involuntary squeak leaves Kihyun’s mouth, and he ducks his head, ears burning.  _ God, did he really just make that sound? _

“Okay, Ki?” 

Kihyun hums, peeking up at Hoseok. He looks confused then a flash of understanding lights his eyes. 

“Oh my god, I’m sorry! Am I making you uncomfortable?” Hoseok looks extremely distressed for a moment, rushing to put on another shirt and pants. 

“I usually just sleep in my underwear, I wasn’t thinking,” Hoseok apologizes, looking guiltily up at Kihyun who just clenches his clothes in his arms, not knowing how to respond. 

He swallows. “Can you…?” he shifts his feet, nodding his head towards the wall of the tent behind Hoseok. 

Hoseok stares. 

“Can you not… look?” 

“O-oh!” Hoseok scrambles and turns the other way, and Kihyun ducks his head, blush rising. 

Kihyun whispers a timid thank you and changes as quickly as he can. He knows that Hoseok wouldn’t come onto him, but he can’t help feeling insecure at the moment. It’s like for the first time today that they both are realizing the different biology between the two of them, and the air feels a little tense. For now, he prefers privacy and is grateful that Hoseok grants him that. 

“Okay, I’m done,” he says, stepping over onto his mat and sitting down next to Hoseok. He realizes the alpha had turned around and had covered his eyes as well. Hoseok's face also seems a little red, and Kihyun returns a bashful smile. 

“Lights out?” Hoseok asks, and Kihyun nods, reaching for the lantern. 

Hoseok moves to lie down, shifting around, and Kihyun blows out the bright flame. Darkness falls over them, and Kihyun can hear Hoseok breathing next to him as he settles down on his own mat. 

Despite the long walk today, Kihyun feels rather awake, body extremely aware of the alpha next to him. They listen to each other’s breathing for several minutes, crickets and cicadas buzzing distantly in the background. 

“Hey, Ki?” Hoseok’s voice is soft in the darkness, but Kihyun feels him shifting next to him. 

“Yeah?” he whispers back. 

“Your scent… it’s nice.” 

Kihyun doesn’t really know what to say. His scent is gentle and calming, sweet and floral. It’s something he has to hide now - something that puts a target on his back. Something that somehow makes him lesser than everyone else

He lifts his lips, turning to face Hoseok in the darkness. The alpha’s scent is warm and protective, blanketing the tent. And Kihyun knows that he could trust Hoseok with his truth. 

“Hyung?” he whispers. 

“Yeah?”

“My father… he’s the one who’s supposed to be here.” 

Hoseok stays quiet, but Kihyun knows it’s because he’s listening. 

“He got sick last year. Really sick. We didn’t think he was going to make it, but he did. Just barely. The illness stole most of his strength, and he’s barely recovered enough to move around on his own.”

“I only wanted to make him proud. Be matched to an alpha, take over the household, give him grandchildren,” Kihyun swallows, knot growing tight in his throat. “Then the messenger came to our village.”

“So, you don’t have an alpha?” Hoseok asks. 

Kihyun tries not to think about the humiliation of match day. “No,” he whispers, curling his body smaller under his blanket. “I’ve only brought failure and disgrace to my family. I thought that if I can’t achieve their expectations of what they want me to be… a-at least I could save him.”

“Ki… you’re not a failure.”

Kihyun shakes his head, the knot in his throat, preventing him from saying anything in return. Hoseok doesn’t know. He doesn’t understand the expectations that Kihyun failed to conform to. 

“You’re not,” Hoseok insists again at Kihyun’s silence. 

“If you’ve ever thought that I’m a bad alpha, I’m an even worse omega.”

“There’s no way that’s true.” Hoseok hand comes up and touches his shoulder. “Kihyun, you’re brilliant.”

Kihyun wants to laugh. He wants to cry. He wants to scream because Hoseok doesn’t understand. How is he good omega? How? 

“You are,” Hoseok says, and a tear runs down Kihyun’s face into his pillow. He’s a runaway from home, committing a national crime. He’s looking alphas in the eyes and speaking without being addressed. He’s not mated, he’s not pregnant, he’s not anything he’s supposed to be. He’s just a failure. 

“Kihyun, say something,” Hoseok says, rubbing his thumb into his shoulder. 

Kihyun sniffles. He can’t say anything. It’s all just piling up again, old sorrows coming alive and clawing at his chest. 

“Don’t cry,” Hoseok whispers. 

“I’m not,” he lies, flinching away from his touch and shrinking back, letting Hoseok’s hand fall from his shoulder. 

Hoseok is probably the best friend he’s ever had, but he’ll never understand Kihyun’s position. The fear he feels and the lies he breathes. 

“Let’s sleep, hyung,” Kihyun whispers, turning away, trying to stop the stubborn tears that continue to slide down his cheeks. 

“Kihyunnie,” Hoseok calls, soft and apologetic. 

He hears shifting behind him, but stubbornly stays turned with his back to him. Tensing, he feels an arm inching around his waist and warmth press against his back. 

“Hyung,” Kihyun whispers. He doesn’t know what he’s trying to say. If it’s a warning or a plea. Hoseok’s breath is hot against his neck, nose brushing into his hair. 

“It’s okay,” Hoseok rubs his nose affectionately on the back of his neck, and Kihyun feels his lip wobble even more. “You don’t have to pretend to be anything in front of me.”

Kihyun bites his lip, more tears trickling down the side of his face. He tries to keep the tremble from his shoulders, but he knows that Hoseok feels it when he holds him tighter, whispering heartbreaking assurances in Kihyun’s ears. 

Burying his face in his mat, Kihyun lets his first audible sob escape his throat, and his hands search -  _ cling _ to Hoseok’s arm for some kind of strength that he doesn’t have. 

“You’re so brave,” Hoseok whispers, and Kihyun cries because he doesn’t feel brave. He feels vulnerable and weak. “You are, Kihyun. You  _ are _ .”

“Hyung,” he cries again, different from the first time. It feels like admitting that he doesn’t feel brave. That he feels safer than he has in moons just because Hoseok is lying inches from him. 

He turns back and lets himself hide in Hoseok’s embrace, letting his tears soak into the thin fabric of the alpha’s shirt.

“That’s it, Kihyunnie,” Hoseok soothes, running his hands through Kihyun’s hair. Hoseok’s scent is warm and comforting, his body surrounding him like a shield. “That's it. It’s okay to be yourself in front of me. It’s okay.” 

Kihyun’s tears slowly stop falling, and his fingers unclench from Hoseok’s arms. He lets himself be completely vulnerable for a few moments more, nose pressed into Hoseok’s chest, feeling the elder’s heartbeat strong and steady beside him.

He falls asleep to the gentle rhythm in Hoseok’s chest, and for the first time in months, Kihyun lets himself be a little less scared. 

~~~

One task that hasn’t stopped being terrifying is bathing. Initially, Kihyun put it off as long as he could, but training made him smell - a lot. It didn’t take long for him to break, sneaking off to the lake in the middle of the night, using the shadows of the overhanging trees to hide in the darkness. 

Ever since Hoseok moved in, they’ve tried to go together, choosing a more covered area of the lake, Hoseok’s large frame effectively blocking his smaller body from view as he quickly washes away from curious eyes. 

But right now, Hoseok was nowhere to be found, and Kihyun feels absolutely disgusting after the training session today. The hot, muggy air made the dirt cling to his sweaty hair and skin. His body absolutely yearned for the cool water of the lake. 

Gathering his things, he rushes off to the lake while most of the soldiers are eating. He’ll have to settle for whatever scraps are left, but he reasons it’ll be worth it to have the lake to himself -  _ he hopes _ . 

Praying that no one will be there, he cautiously approaches the lake, keeping an ear out for others. It’s quiet out, but he doesn’t want to get his hopes up. When he reaches the break in the trees, he sighs in relief, seeing the lakeshore undisturbed. 

Walking from the shoreline to one of the more covered areas, he drops his clothes on a dry rock and dips his toe in the water. Lovely. 

Glancing around one more time, Kihyun drops the robe and quickly gets into the water. He dunks under the water immediately to get used to the temperature quickly, running his fingers through his dirty hair. He comes up, pushing the wet hair back out of his eyes, moving around in the water some more. 

That’s when he hears voices approaching, and he freezes, fear building in his stomach as it gets closer.  _ Shit _ . The last thing he wants is visitors. 

He peeks his head around the reeds that gave him some small coverage to see Jooheon and Minhyuk laughing as they emerge from the trees. Seeing them is a small relief because at least it’s someone who he’s on friendly terms with. But Minhyuk is invasively clingy, and Kihyun is  _ very _ much naked right now. 

He sees Minhyuk playfully tug at the rope holding Jooheon’s robe closed, and he gets his hand slapped away, with whines from the younger. 

Then Minhyuk happens to look his way. Right at him.  _ Fuck _ .

“Kihyun!” he shouts, grinning, and waving. Kihyun swallows, past his neck into the water.

Minhyuk disrobes without even blinking, and Kihyun dunks under the water again, trying very hard to focus on other things right now. 

He comes up just in time to hear a voice shriek, “Cannonball!” A large splash next to him that follows causes water to splash up into his face, and he sputters, treading backward. 

Minhyuk’s wet head pops up in front of him, grin on his face. 

“Come on, Joo!” Minhyuk calls, turning his head to the shoreline. 

Jooheon is also very naked onshore, and Kihyun looks away, blush rising on his cheeks. Minhyuk notices and smirks. He wolf-whistles at Jooheon, who shoots an annoyed glare back, but does nothing to hide his body or retaliate against Minhyuk’s teasing. 

“Kihyunnie also likes the view. Right, Ki?” Minhyuk asks, a playful smirk on his lips, eyebrow raised. 

Kihyun unhelpfully stutters nonsense. It’s strange to hear anybody but Hoseok call him those names. 

Jooheon wades slowly into the water, pausing briefly to whine about the temperature before continuing on. Kihyun tries to get some distance between the two, slowly moving away.

“Hoseok! Join us,” Minhyuk calls, and Kihyun looks over his shoulder.

“Hyung,” Kihyun greets, relieved. At least Hoseok can be a helpful barrier between him and the rest of them. 

Hoseok smiles and Kihyun can tell he sees his stress when he smiles back in reassurance.

Unlike Kihyun, Hoseok has no issues stripping in front of an audience, grinning over his shoulder when Minhyuk hoots appreciatively. 

Kihyun feels his ears burn a little at his shamelessness. He wonders if his timid actions are setting off any red flags. He desperately hopes not, but it seems that one trait that every alpha shares is a healthy dose of confidence in their body - and all have (at least a little bit) of an exhibitionist tendency.

Now, not to brag, but he’s gotten pretty good at adopting the other alpha qualities. He’s louder, more commanding, and he swears a degree more. He can eat in front of others without timidly checking who’s watching him and nausea churning in his stomach. 

He hopes that sinking into the background quietly will allow attention to pass right over him, rather than bring him any. 

The water wrestling starts without any warning, and suddenly he’s got water splashing in his face as Minhyuk and Jooheon ineffectively try to drown each other. 

“First one on the rock wins!” Minhyuk shouts, suddenly making a beeline for the large rock that sits in the middle of the lake. Jooheon races after him, trying to grab his legs to slow him down. 

Kihyun watches from the sidelines. Hoseok has put his body between Kihyun and the rambunctious duo, and Kihyun is internally grateful for the silent protection. Hiding behind his friend’s wide body is not something he is above of in his situation. 

“I’m king of the mountain!” Jooheon proclaims proudly, standing shamelessly on the rock. Kihyun can’t help but stare mortified up at the naked alpha, sinking deeper into the water, so the water reaches his chin. 

He stands with wide legs, hands on his hips, head held high, hips thrust forward.

Eyes trailing up Jooheon’s muscled thighs, he unabashedly displays his dick for everyone to see. Minhyuk is in absolute hysterics next to Hoseok, laughing and pointing like Kihyun can’t see every inch of skin the alpha has to offer.

Physical biology is the one betraying tells that Kihyun has when it comes to being outed. Staring up at Jooheon, he can’t help but feel very much exposed.

The telling ridge of his knot sits at the base of his cock, his balls hanging heavy behind, and Kihyun can’t help but swallow, resisting tucking himself between his legs and clenching his thighs tight. 

Between Kihyun’s legs is what sets him apart from his group of friends and from everyone else in the camp. Kihyun is small and modest, completely average for an omega, no knot, balls small and tight against his body. Closed between his thighs hides the folds that make him vulnerable to everyone here. 

“Kihyun, knock him down!” Minhyuk shouts, pointing up at Jooheon like Kihyun isn’t already looking at him.

“Not happening,” he chokes out, trying to sound casual and not mostly terrified. 

Minhyuk pouts. 

“None of you could beat me even if you tried,” Jooheon boasts, and Kihyun just wants him to get back in the water. 

“Hey, Kihyunnie’s actually gained some muscle,” Hoseok says, feeling Kihyun’s arms. Kihyun shoos him off, swatting his hands away.

“It all goes to your chest,” Minhyuk laughs, swimming up and poking under Kihyun’s collarbones.

“Stop it,” Kihyun snaps with no venom, slapping his hands away. He’s not wrong, Kihyun has noticed his shirts feeling more fitted around his chest. 

“Your calves are really nice too,” Hoseok says after a small silence. Kihyun turns redder and shoves his shoulder. 

He finds time to discreetly slip out when another round of water wrestling starts. Hoseok shoves the duo underwater for the brief second that Kihyun is out of the water, exposed. He quickly throws his robe on, meeting Hoseok’s eyes, a  _ thank you  _ sent his way. Hoseok smiles only to be tackled by Jooheon, and Kihyun laughs, staying to watch the chaos. 

He takes his time to dry on the beach in his robe, smiling when Hoseok throws Minhyuk out of the water several feet, a loud shriek followed by a splash. 

“Lee Jooheon, defend my honor!” 

“In your dreams, hyung.”

~~~

One night, Minhyuk drags him and Hoseok to a bonfire after dinner. The sun has barely set past the horizon, and darkness is quickly descending upon them. Ideally, Kihyun imagined he’d take a quick wash in the lake and then go to bed early, but Minhyuk enthusiastically told them about how one of the other soldiers had gotten some alcohol from the nearby village. 

The last thing Kihyun wanted was to be surrounded by a bunch of drunk alphas. The majority of them were barely tolerable sober. But what alpha doesn’t want to drink with their fellow soldiers? 

It’s easier to say yes. It brings him less attention and won’t spark any questions. It’s only one more thing Kihyun needs to grit his teeth through. It’ll be fine. 

And it starts out fine enough. Minhyuk gets the drinks in circulation, a fair amount of soldiers have gathered around the fire, pulling up benches and logs, others sitting on the ground. Most of them are talking about the foods they miss or the best dish that their grandmother can make on holidays. Whenever a bottle makes its way to Kihyun, he brings it up to his lips, pretending to take a swig before passing it to Minhyuk sitting next to him, who takes a real one. 

The second the soldiers reach the halfway point of the bottles and night fully has settled over them, the conversation changes.

“It’s been so long since I’ve had a good fuck,” one of the alphas across the fire says, leaning back, taking another swig from the bottle. 

“Or any fuck,” Jooheon grunts. 

“I miss it,” Minhyuk dramatically whines, leaning against Kihyun’s shoulder. “Don’t you miss it, Kihyun?”

Kihyun is tense against the drunken embrace, awkwardly patting the alpha’s shoulder. 

“Oh, yeah, I miss…” Kihyun trails off, trying to think of something to say. “...knotting.” 

Hoseok unhelpfully chokes on his drink, trying to hide sputtered laughter. Thank god that Minhyuk is completely smashed because he doesn’t notice Hoseok’s reaction and takes Kihyun’s words as gospel.

“ _ Right _ ?” he whimpers into Kihyun’s shoulder. Wow, alphas can be pathetic when they haven’t been laid in a while. 

“I’d give anything to have an omega right now,” Junho sits back, widening his posture. “Needy and wet, begging for my knot.”

Kihyun grimaces, closing his legs in response. He hasn’t gotten better at handling sexually charged conversions. It’s been happening more often now. This shouldn’t have surprised him. Everyone’s been getting more pent up, more deprived. 

The air begins to smell of musky alpha pheromones, frustrated arousal tingling in the air. 

“I bet the Captain gets an omega every night,” another alpha says. 

Jooheon snorts in disbelief. “Yeah, right. If there was an omega here every night, we’d smell it.”

The other alpha growls at being corrected, but falls silent. Kihyun is silently grateful for Jooheon’s intervention. The thought of the captain with an omega makes something strange twist in his stomach. 

“I have an omega back home whose slick tastes like pure sugar, I swear.” 

“I don’t care what it tastes like, just the thought of a tight wet hole does it for me.”

If Kihyun could clench his thighs together any tighter, he would. His skin crawls with discomfort, like a thousand eyes are on him without anyone even glancing at him. If he could leave without drawing any attention to himself, he would. 

Reminding Kihyun of his presence, Minhyuk snuggles further into Kihyun’s shoulder, getting a little  _ too  _ close to his scent gland for him to be comfortable. The fabric of his uniform rubs against him, causing unwelcome shivers to run down his spine. The pheromones don’t help at all, making his body react more intensely than it usually would. 

“Min,” he hisses, trying to shoulder him off. “Stop it.”

Minhyuk whines, nosing against him. “But you smell so nice,” Minhyuk says, and ice runs through Kihyun’s veins. The blanket scent of sexually frustrated alpha is surrounding them, and any hint of an omega scent could set them off. 

Panicked, he shoves the drunken alpha off, scooting closer to Hoseok’s protective side. 

“Hey, what’s wrong?” Hoseok whispers, leaning in close. 

Kihyun shakes his head. He buttons up the top button of his shirt in an attempt to hide any scent that Minhyuk might have drawn out. 

He wants to go back to their tent. He wants to be away from the pheromones that itch at his nose. 

He turns his head leaning up to Hoseok’s cupped ear. “Can… Do you smell me at all?”

Hoseok raises an eyebrow. He glances around the circle, subtly sniffing the air. He casually drapes an arm over Kihyun’s shoulders. 

“A little.” Hoseok’s breath is hot against his ear. “If we stay like this, I can cover it up.”

Swallowing, Kihyun settles under Hoseok’s arm, trying to ignore the glances that they’re getting. 

He knows that there’s gossip about the two of them. He just ignores it, but ever since Hoseok moved into Kihyun’s tent, there hasn’t been much he can do to fight it. 

Anxious, he stays under Hoseok’s arm, letting Hoseok’s scent hide his own faint one. 

He tenses when he sees Gwon Junhwi approach the circle and say something to one of the alphas on the other side of the fire. They both chuckle at whatever they’re talking about, and Kihyun notices he has his own bottle as well, only a small bit of alcohol remaining. He shifts nervously, looking away. Sober Junhwi is already too much to handle, and he doesn’t want to entertain the idea of drunk one. 

The large, imposing alpha has refused to leave Kihyun alone since that first day. Whether it be a passing derogatory or inappropriate comment, or a roughly shouldering him away when he walks past. He seems determined to make Kihyun’s life a living hell. He generally stays away when Hoseok is nearby. Still, even then, Kihyun will regularly feel his dark eyes on him, roaming up and down his body.

Kihyun prays that Junhwi stays entertained with whoever he’s conversing with, but the flame of hope extinguishes when he sees his eyes scan the small crowd and settle on them. 

Despite the heat of the fire, Kihyun suddenly feels cold.

“Hey, Lee!” Junhwi calls, garnering attention from the rest of the group, all who had been previously immersed in their own conversations. His speech is loud and slurred at the end. Kihyun toes curl at the malicious glint in the alpha’s eyes. “Mind if I ask you a question? I think there’s something that we’ve all been wondering about. Maybe it’d be a good time to clear the air.”

Kihyun glares, fighting the urge to push off Hoseok’s arm and snarl at the other. Silence has now fallen over the group, all watching Hoseok’s reaction. 

“I’m not interested in anything you have to say,” Hoseok replies, voice cold and chilling. He doesn’t move the arm from Kihyun’s shoulders, instead gripping tighter. Kihyun wishes he would stop.

Junhwi only responds with a smirk, and it’s like Kihyun can hear the words that come out of his mouth before he even has a chance to say it.

“But we all want to know, does Yoo feel like an omega if you close your eyes?”

Kihyun’s eyes fall shut, unable to stop the humiliation welling up inside him. The outburst of noise the words cause assaults his ears, and he feels a dark rumbling growl coming from Hoseok’s throat.

“Hey, hey, I’m just asking! I have bets on both sides of the table.”

Hollers and catcalls erupt from everyone in the circle. Kihyun keeps his eyes closed, silently boiling over in mortification.

“I bet he did!”

“Let us have a go at him!”

“Tell us!”

Kihyun feels a growl building deep in his chest when suddenly a calm, cool voice cuts through all the noise like a hot knife. 

“Evening, gentlemen.” 

Silence falls sharply over the rowdy group. Surprised, Kihyun looks over his shoulder, seeing the Lieutenant standing behind him, surveying the group.

“L-Lieutenant Chae,” one soldier stutters, bowing his head as a greeting. 

“Everything alright?” The Lieutenant feigns. “I heard what sounded like some kind of disturbance or disagreement.“ The question is innocent enough, but there’s a hidden edge to his voice. And without even having to question it, Kihyun knows that Chae heard everything that was being said and had stepped in to stop it.

Lieutenant Chae has always appeared rather cold, but looking up at him, Kihyun feels gratitude that tightens his throat. He’s probably one of the only people besides Hoseok to have stood up for him - even if he’s not outright saying it. The other officers and trainers always say nothing when he’s singled out, looking the other way or very blatantly seeing and choosing to do nothing. 

“I wouldn’t stay up too late, I’ve heard you have an early morning tomorrow,” he says, before turning away. He looks back, narrow eyes settling on Junhwi. “Soldier Gwon,” he nods, eyes narrow and dismissing before disappearing into the night as quietly as he appeared.

There’s a lingering silence over the campfire, and Kihyun takes it as a queue to slip from Hoseok’s arm, retreating back to his tent before anyone can say anything else.

He feels the humiliation and frustration boiling up again, the jeers surrounding him knowing there was no way he could defend himself. That no matter how physically equipped he becomes, their words always tear him down. They make him remember how scared he should be - that no matter how much he thinks he’s convinced them of his lies, he’ll never really be safe in this space. 

Back in the tent, he quickly prepares some of his suppressants. He needs to stop his smell from becoming too strong.

He hears the tent flap open behind him and Hoseok coming inside, pausing when he sees Kihyun cross-legged on the floor.

“I thought your next dose wasn’t for a few more days,” Hoseok says, standing over him. 

Kihyun ignores him, continuing to let it steep, not looking at the alpha. He hears Hoseok sigh and move around him.

“It’s already dangerous to use those long term,” Hoseok continues. “Taking them more than you should is only going to make it worse when you stop.”

Kihyun tries not to visibly bristle, but his mood has very much soured after Junhwi’s stunt at the campfire. He really is not in the mood for a lecture. Especially right now. He just wants to deal with the aftermath of being involuntarily scented and push down all the things that being surrounded by all those irritating pheromones did to him. 

Kihyun downs his dose, and Hoseok says nothing else. They silently get ready to sleep, and Kihyun won’t deny the tension between them as he drifts off, but he’s too tired to keep his eyes open, and sleep quickly takes him away.

~~~

_ “..Troops under Capt. Son Hyunwoo have remained unskilled and unimpressive, and training appears to be slow. Progress achieved is far too small and shines on the inexperience of the new Captain. The evaluator recommends action from superior…” _

Hyunwoo forcibly pushes down the growl that builds in his throat as he reads through the scroll. It’s a copy sent to him after their recent evaluation.

It’s harsh. Hyunwoo thinks that the evaluators were being unfair to the circumstances. Hyunwoo has been tasked with training soldiers with little to no (mostly no) prior experience. He believes that they’ve made decent progress from where they’ve started, and hearing differently curdles the frustrations he has inside of him. 

He exits the tent wanting to clear his head with some fresh air, walking towards the open archery fields. He stops when he sees a lone figure standing out in the field, silhouetted but under the moonlight. He knows who it is immediately. Yoo Kihyun.

Without thinking, he starts his way over to the lone soldier. He already feels lighter at the thought of Kihyun’s wide eyes and shy stutter when he realizes that he’s being watched.

The young soldier has Hyunwoo perplexed on multiple levels. He remembers the remarkably weak soldier on the first day, how he met Hyunwoo’s eyes like he was daring him to call him out - to say what everyone was thinking. 

It didn’t stop him from making him an example in training. He was an easy target, and Hyunwoo almost feels a little guilty for singling him out so much. But he has experience, and the best soldiers are made from harder training, harsh criticism, and a strong heart. And watching Kihyun now, he can tell that it’s working. Kihyun’s stance is strong, comprehensive, and  _ almost _ perfect. When he releases the arrow, it hits the target, not bullseye, but close. Lowering the bow, he lets go of the tension in his shoulders, rolling them and shrugging off the shot. 

He realizes he’s seeing the small alpha in a way he has never seen him before. Kihyun is always put together, buttoned-up, and alert. Here his brown hair is wet, and the large shirt draped on him is billowing and loosely tied at the front. He must have come here after washing in the lake. 

He gets back into position, knocking the arrow. Hyunwoo remembers the first day, when Kihyun’s arms shook trying to pull back on the taut bowstring. Here subtle but strong musculature firmly pulls back on the string. His elbow sags down slightly, and Hyunwoo decides it’s time to reveal himself before his hidden observation starts to border on creepy.

“Straighten your back,” Hyunwoo orders, alerting his presence in the shadows. Kihyun startles, looking over his wide eyes, stepping back. 

“C-Captain!” Kihyun stutters. One hand comes up to adjust his shirt, gripping it at the top. He hastily bows, and Hyunwoo fights a smile, Kihyun’s reaction to him just as he predicted. 

“Do I not put you through enough training during the day? Need some more at night?” 

Kihyun shakes his head hastily, “No, no, Captain, not at all. I just…” 

Hyunwoo raises his eyebrow, before allowing a small smile to reveal to show the nervous soldier that he was indeed joking. 

Kihyun’s eyes dance across his face, and he stops, “Oh,” he whispers, cheeks turning red. 

“You’ve improved,” Hyunwoo comments, watching how Kihyun’s eyes jump at the compliment. “Go again.”

The command seems to take a second to register in Kihyun’s brain. “Oh!” he exclaims, hurrying to get into position. He grabs an arrow, knocks it, and pulls back. He takes a second to aim, and it hits the target, practiced and sure. But still no bullseye.

“Your stance is better. But you’re still favoring your back leg too much. Try distributing your weight more evenly and you’ll stand up straighter. Relax your muscles. Like this.” 

Hyunwoo steps up close, his chest an inch from Kihyun’s back. The smaller tenses and Hyunwoo tuts his tongue. “I said relax,” he repeats, resting a hand on Kihyun’s hip. “It’ll help your stance.” 

Kihyun’s shirt collar has fallen open again without his hand grasping at the loose fabric. Hyunwoo lets his eyes trail the long, naked expanse of neck before looking ahead to Kihyun’s target. 

Kihyun’s ears burn red, and Hyunwoo smirks briefly to himself. “Go again.” 

Kihyun swallows at the order, rolling his shoulders. He takes a deep breath to get rid of the tension in his body, and his back presses up against Hyunwoo’s chest. He’s warm against Hyunwoo in the cool air of the summer night. 

The hand that was on his hip trails up his side up to his arm. “Make sure to keep this elbow up higher. You keep dropping it.”

Kihyun releases the arrow, and once again, it hits the target, a little bit closer to the bullseye this time. 

“Good,” Hyunwoo says in his ear. He feels Kihyun shiver against him. Was that a reaction to Hyunwoo’s praise, or was he cold? He did have wet hair… 

“Try again,” Hyunwoo says, stepping back. The warmth from Kihyun’s back lingers. Kihyun looks over his shoulder at him but then obeys, knocking another arrow. 

He evens his stance and raises the bow, pulling back with his elbow at the correct angle. However, his torso and hips are off this time. 

“Remember, keep your hips parallel to the arrow.” He steps up close again, and picks up a subtle sweetness in the air. He places his hands on Kihyun’s narrow hips and adjusts them. The sweet scent tinkles at his nose and makes him want to lean in closer. 

“Okay, now try again.” 

Kihyun nods, letting the bow down and letting go of the tension. Taking a breath, Kihyun brings up the bow once again and pulls back the string, settling the string at his anchor point by his lip. He releases the arrow, and it strikes. 

Bullseye.

An elated laugh comes from Kihyun, and he bounces happily, turning to smile proudly at Hyunwoo. Upon sight he seems to remember he’s in the presence of his commanding officer. He immediately flushes, ducking his head, but Hyunwoo still sees the hints of a satisfied smile twitching on his lips when he glances back up at him. 

“Can you do it again?” Hyunwoo asks, looking back at the target. 

Still blushing but with eyes shining with his new challenge, Kihyun steps to the side to the next target and gets into his stance. He aims his next arrow, and it strikes home, barely an inch from the bullseye. Unsatisfied, he immediately knocks another arrow and tries again, this time hitting the bullseye once more. 

He can see the excitement that flashes through Kihyun’s body and the smile that threatens to spread across his face.

Hyunwoo can’t help but drop his usual stern facade and smile back, and Kihyun doesn’t hide his smile anymore. Kihyun’s smile is nice to look at - it’s bright and innocent. the stars in the sky mirror in his crinkled eyes. 

_ Pretty _ . 

Hyunwoo shakes the unwelcome thought from his mind. Kihyun was showing lots of potential here, more than he’s shown anywhere else. He could turn out to be an extremely valuable archer if he was given the right guidance. He usually would keep this to himself, but Kihyun seems to benefit from his praise - it makes him try harder, focus more.

“You show lots of promise here. If we stay focused, you could really improve.”

Kihyun nods, gripping the bow, but Hyunwoo sees something else shining in his eyes. Relief? The small soldier ducks his head before Hyunwoo can see more.

“Thank you, Sir,” Kihyun says. “I’ll try harder. I promise.”

Hyunwoo nods. He doesn’t know precisely why he believes him, but he does. In Yoo Kihyun’s eyes shines an absolute commitment that Hyunwoo hasn’t seen in a long time. Maybe even since he was a young soldier trying to step out of the heavy shadow of his father. 

“Never forget to master the basics. Always be checking your stance. Once those are second nature, we can begin to get more advanced.” 

Kihyun nods as Hyunwoo explains, unconsciously going up and down on his toes. Hyunwoo wonders if it’s a nervous tick. 

“And start training to aim quicker. The best archers can do it in less than a second, and in battle, there isn’t a second to waste.” 

Yes, Sir,” Kihyun breathes, looking up Hyunwoo. He looks like he’s ready to start right away, fingers tugging lightly on the bowstring. 

“Rest first,” Hyunwoo says. He himself is starting to feel the exhaustion creeping back into his bones. Kihyun bows his head. 

“Have a good night, Captain.” 

Hyunwoo nods, watching Kihyun scurry off to return the items to the weapons tent. He dreads walking back to his quarters to finish writing reports to defend his work and promotion. But he’s never shied away from a battle before, even if this one isn’t physical fighting. 

Kihyun has given him a small hope that all his efforts aren’t in vain. He turns, walking back to his tent. He has strong men. They’ll prove themselves soon enough. 

~~~

Kihyun walks faster than he usually would back to his shared tent, trying to spend the shot of energy he got from his interaction with the Captain. He can still feel the phantom press of the Captain’s firm chest against his back, his breath on his ear, his voice deep and resonating.

He shakes his head, holding back an embarrassing verbal squeak. Why had he gotten so close? It was like he could read Kihyun like a book, that small teasing smirk carved into his memory.

He slips inside, trying not to wake Hoseok. He tugs off his boots and carefully sets them by the entrance. 

The alpha is a large sleeping lump in the darkness, and Kihyun kneels down on his adjacent mat. Hoseok has somewhat rolled onto his while he slept, and Kihyun lays down next to him. 

Hoseok mumbles something, half-asleep adjusting to Kihyun’s return. Usually, he’ll snuggle up next to him and fall right back asleep, and Kihyun’s riding on it. If Hoseok asks about his previous whereabouts, he’s bound to fall back into the tongue-tied mess he always is when he talks about the Captain. 

Hoseok settles close, his nose near Kihyun’s neck, chest against his shoulder. He lets out a deep breath and Kihyun expects him to relax once again into a boneless heap next to him. 

Instead, he feels him tense up, nose pushing closer towards his neck, suddenly sniffing. Kihyun flinches away. “What the hell are you doing?”

“You smell different.” Hoseok mumbles. He sounds like he’s frowning and Kihyun scoffs and tries to push him away. As expected Hoseok doesn’t move an inch, propping up on his elbow to look down at Kihyun. Kihyun makes a noise of protest when he leans back down to scent him again. He whines, but Hoseok continues. “ _ Hyung- _ ”

Hoseok jumps back, gasping. “You! You smell like the Captain!”

“Stop being so loud!” Kihyun hisses, blush rising.

“Oh my god,” Hoseok whispers. “Where were you just now? What happened, is everything alright?”

  
Kihyun closes his eyes, lamenting his loss of sleep. There’s no way he’s going to shut up now. 

“Nothing happened,” he sighs, sitting up. With his eyes adjusted to the darkness, he sees Hoseok sit up too. 

Hoseok sits quietly even though Kihyun sees the questions stirring under his skin. 

“He was helping me with my shooting, and he just… got close.” 

“Close,” Hoseok repeats, and Kihyun nods.  _ Please, take that and go to sleep. Please, please, pl- _

“You  _ like _ him!” Hoseok exclaims, and Kihyun jumps, shoving a hand over his mouth, pushing him down into the mats. 

“Shut  _ up _ .”

He pries Kihyun’s hand away from his mouth. “No way, when I cuddle you an entire night, you barely smell like me. Then suddenly the Captain gets a little too close and next thing I know, our tent smells like our superior officer has suddenly entered. I nearly had a heart attack in my sleep. Your body latched onto his scent.”

Kihyun doesn’t really know what to say to that. Self conscious, he sniffs at himself, checking if it's as bad as Hoseok says it is. He’s never been the best at noticing his own scent. Still, he definitely notices the deeper tones of Captain Son’s scent lingering on his skin. 

But something deep in him warms and feels satisfied with the scent that surrounds him, yet he can’t allow himself to be that now - to be so  _ omega _ . He digs his fingernails into his palms, pushing that feeling away. 

He frowns, rubbing at his neck. Hopefully, it’ll wear off by the morning. He really can’t have any more rumors about himself floating around the camp more than there already are. 

“Hey, it’s not that bad. I overreacted. I’m sorry.” Hoseok’s apology pulls him away from his thoughts, and he sighs, dropping his hands. 

“Lets just go to sleep,” Kihyun says, exhaustion pulling at his words. Hoseok nods, giving him some room as they both settle down again. 

“I’m sorry that I teased you,” Hoseok whispers. Kihyun can feel the guilt radiating off the alpha, he shakes his head, touching his shoulder briefly. 

“It’s okay,” he says.  _ You’re not wrong. _ There’s a pause, and Kihyun lets the words hiding in his chest spill out. 

“He looked at me like I wasn’t a failure,” His voice is soft - like it’s a memory so fragile it will shatter if he speaks the words too loud. “It felt like for the first time that maybe I belong here.”

Hoseok quiets down for a moment. He reaches out and grips his hand, smiling at him, eyes glistening a little in the darkness. 

“You do.”

~~~

And maybe he does because by some miracle he actually begins to improve and suddenly he’s not at the bottom of the pack anymore. 

He’s definitely gotten rougher around the edges, no longer the dainty thing that showed up to the camp four months ago.

He’s still slim, but strong musculature hardens his body, stronger than he’s ever been. He’s no muscle beast like Hoseok, but he’s toned. His hands are rougher, and his skin has taken on a golden glow from his days out in the summer sun. He’s not the pale, petite omega he was on match day. He’s something else. Something… different. 

He looks at his body in the reflection with nearly as much shame as he does pride. He likes how he looks, despite the feeling that itches under his skin that he shouldn’t look this way. 

_ Undesirable _ . 

It’s a word he can’t shake from his head. That he’s become everything that he shouldn’t be. 

Is he even an omega anymore? It’s a silly question because he obviously is. Still, he can’t help but think back to the handbook his grandmother made him read every morning. The long demanding list of everything that an omega should be, everything that he is certainly  _ not _ \- at least not anymore.

Hoseok would tell him that he’s being stupid, but Hoseok is everything he’s supposed to be. He’s a decorated soldier, a broad and powerful alpha, and a kind and gentle friend. What father wouldn’t be proud of a son like him? 

As he downs another bitter tea steeped with his suppressant herbs, he begins to feel too separate from who he was. His scent never surfaces anymore, even with Hoseok’s aggressive half-awake cuddles. 

He wonders if he’s breaking himself, ruining every prospect of a future. What alpha is going to want him when he’s like this? 

One of the perks of Captain Son running them into the ground with training is that he doesn’t have lots of time to dwell on those dark swirling thoughts. Captain Son doesn’t care that his hands have calluses or that his legs now have hair. He only cares about whether or not Kihyun’s arrows hit the bullseye.

And they do.

~~~

The late summer sun sets on the hill shadowing the camp when Kihyun and Hoseok return to their tent. 

Inside, Kihyun immediately peels off his sweat-soaked shirt, throwing it in the corner.

He hears a small whimper across the tent and sees Hoseok watching him with big eyes, collapsed on their floor mats. 

“Are you kidding me?” Kihyun sighs and sees Hoseok’s puppy dog eyes in full effect. He grabs his robe and pulls it over his shoulders. 

“Kiyhunnie,” Hoseok whines. “I’m lonely.”

“No, you’re horny,” Kihyun retorts.

“Same  _ thing _ .” He smushes his face into his arm. 

Kihyun sighs, looking back at the bulky, sad sack of alpha curled on their two mats. “Can you please not lie on my stuff when you’re all dirty and gross?”

“You’re saying that this doesn’t do anything for you? At all?” Hoseok pouts, ignoring Kihyun’s words. He’s starting to sound even sadder and more pathetic if that was possible.

“Is the Captain that much hotter than me?” Hoseok wonders and Kihyun feels his patience wearing thin. 

“Don’t,” he snaps, and Hoseok sits up, another whine escaping his throat. 

“I have more muscles than he does! I bet I’m stronger than him-”

“ _ Hoseok _ ,” Kihyun insists, gritting his teeth. 

Hoseok stops, sadly looking up at Kihyun. He flops back down with a sad moan. 

Kihyun scoffs, tying his robe tighter around his body, before taking off his dirty pants as well. “I’m going to the river to wash and do laundry. You’re free to join me once you’ve dealt with your… problem. Seriously, I’m tired of waking up with your boner digging into my ass.”

Hoseok makes a muffled indignant noise. 

He turns to leave before pausing again. “And please don’t do it while smelling any of my stuff. That’s just… weird.”

He leaves the tent and walks past the medical tent to the small path that leads to the lake. Eager to get the layer of grime off his skin, he speeds up his walking to the small shoreline.

He quickly drops his clothes in a neat stack under a tree. He dips a hand in the water to feel the temperature, crisp and refreshing in the late summer humidity.

He stands up, hands coming up to untie his robe when he hears it. Movement in the water, the reeds to the left of him shifting without a breeze. 

Looking over his shoulder, he feels his blood goes cold, rock settling deep in his stomach. Junhwi’s sharp stare sticks on him from where he was soaking in a cove hidden by reeds. 

The alpha smirks, eyes traveling down his body and exposed legs, moving more into visibility to get a better look. Gasping, Kihyun immediately turns around, quickly retying his robe and bending down to scoop up the clothes he brought. He can wait for a wash if this is what he’s about to deal with. He hears more movement, but he just goes faster, not looking up. 

“And where do you think you’re going?” 

Kihyun freezes, looking over his shoulder when the voice is suddenly behind him. Junhwi has emerged from the water and stands in front of the beaten path through the forest. 

Kihyun swallows, fear buzzing in his chest. 

“Move,” he tries to order, trying to keep the fear from trembling his voice. Junhwi’s muscles flex menacingly as the dark alpha chuckles. He grips his clothes harder, praying to anyone listening that he can escape this. 

Junhwi is smirking when Kihyun’s eyes go back to his face, realizing he’d been staring at his massive arms and glistening chest. 

“Like what you see?” Junhwi steps closer, and Kihyun steps back, mortification twisting inside him. His back hits the tree trunk his clothes were settled next to, and he’s suddenly aware of how limited his escape options are. 

He wishes he was in anything but a thin robe. That he had noticed the alpha before he’d gotten ready. That he hadn't been so careless for not seeing him. 

Hoseok said he was coming. He could be here any minute. Any  _ second _ . 

“Come on, we all know you bend over for Lee. Why not let a real alpha have a turn?”

Kihyun dares to glance down, immediately wanting to throw up when he sees the alpha’s cock half-hard between his legs. He doesn’t have minutes or seconds to wait for his friend. 

Kihyun’s feet scream to run, but he knows that Junhwi would catch up to him in a second and shove him down on the forest floor. He’d find out Kihyun’s secret as he pries his legs apart. He’d rape him while dirt fills his mouth when he screams, taunting in his ear how he knew Kihyun was an omega bitch the whole time. 

“Just let me pass,” Kihyun tries one last time, every molecule inside him vibrating.

The lustful look in Junhwi’s eyes hardens, and Kihyun feels any hope drain from his chest. 

“Don’t try to fight me. It’ll make it easier for both of us.”

In that final second, Kihyun does the only thing that he thinks gives him the best chance. He leaps into the lake, an enraged snarl loud behind him. 

He collides with the water, adrenaline moving his limbs on autopilot. And he swims. Faster and more furiously than he ever had before, then even harder when he hears Junhwi screaming his name and the splashing that follows. He dives underneath the surface, legs kicking furiously to escape underwater.

He feels a terrifying grip on his ankle, pulling him back with a strength that Kihyun doesn’t have to fight. If there was a way to scream underwater, he did it - water filling his mouth and nose, stinging horribly in his eyes. He thrashes as he gets pulled back, fingers digging into his leg painfully.

He tries to scream when he comes back up to the surface, but it’s interrupted by violent coughs as he’s drug back down, water filling his throat. Pure, raw panic takes over, and he lashes at scratching and kicking anything that he can. Junhwi rawrs and Kihyun feels a harsh fist in his hair, shoving him back underwater - holding him there as he struggles helplessly against Junhwi’s hold on him. 

His lungs scream for air, and he claws at his attacker, tearing at his skin with everything he’s got. He’s being lifted, and suddenly he’s thrown back onshore. His robe is soaking plastered on his skin, the only thing left giving him any coverage. He hacks up water, trying to get up with the last surge of adrenaline he has. He stumbles up just to be tackled back down, face being brutally slammed into the wet sand.

Terror overtakes him, and large hands pin his wrists down and pull at his drenched robe. With a scream, Kihyun thrashes, slamming his head back into Junhwi’s nose - a satisfying crack resonating in Kihyun’s chest. The grip on Kihyun’s wrist loosens with a pained rawr, “You bitch!”

Kihyun heaves him off, an ear-piercing scream for help leaving his mouth when a hand slams into his throat, cutting off the noise.  _ Someone must have heard it _ , he thinks. The thought feels distant as he’s flipped around and staring terrified up into Junhwi’s flaming enraged eyes. Blood gushes down from his nose, dripping onto Kihyun’s face as he snarls enraged above him. 

“You’re going to regret fighting me,” he says, increasing pressure on Kihyun’s throat. Kihyun chokes, hands clawing at Junhwi’s arm. “I’m going to fuck you raw over and over until you’re begging for me to kill you. To drown you in that fucking lake.”

The other hand pushes between his legs, and Kihyun wishes he could die there. He clenches his legs together with all his strength and is mortified when Junhwi pins Kihyun’s calf down with his leg and pushes the other one open with his arm. The robe falls free with it, and he’s exposed with the alpha leering over him. The weight on him is suffocating, and he feels the alpha hard against his thigh, and he tries to scream again, but he can’t  _ move _ , he can’t  _ fight _ , he just  _ can’t. _

Kihyun feels black clouding the edges of his vision from the lack of air, and tears slip from the corners of his eyes. Then he hears a scream from the side, and Junhwi also looks up. The weight over him is suddenly taken off of him as Junhwi is tackled off of him. Air rushes back into Kihyun’s lungs and he gasps, rolling away from the fight, chest heaving.

He distantly hears growls and punches, screams and shouts, but he can’t focus on anything. The world is suddenly too bright and loud. He gasps for breath, coughing, and choking for air. 

“Kihyun!” 

Hoseok falls down next to him, breathing heavily. “Oh god, are you okay? Did he hurt you?”

“ _ Hyung _ ,” Kihyun croaks, throat burning.

Frantically, he pushes himself up, shaking hands trying to fix his robe, breathes coming out short and panicked. A hopeless noise falls from his lips, and he curls his legs up into him tight, clenching them together. He curls to the side, trying to block everything shutting his eyes, and feeling the sand under his skin.

“ _ Kihyun _ .” A steady hand grips his knee, and his eyes snap to Hoseok’s brown eyes, which brim with fear and concern. “Did he…? 

“No,” Kihyun gasps, shaking his head. Everything feels blurred around him like his mind is running a thousand miles an hour, yet blank at the same time. 

Hoseok sags in relief, pulling Kihyun against him. Kihyun breathes against him, shock settling deep in his bones. His wet robe clings to his skin and he shakes, completely overwhelmed. Despite the warm air, he’s cold, freezing even. He still feels the dirty fingers gripping at his thighs, prying them apart like Kihyun had no strength at all. 

“It was so close.” His voice tremors just like the rest of him. 

“I got him. Minhyuk went to get help. The Captain will take care of this.”

He tries to shrink smaller, not wanting to think about the Captain seeing him like this. He’d finally been coming around to respecting him. Will all that hard work be thrown away?

He glances over his shoulder, seeing the unconscious body of Junhwi in a lump on the sand, face bloody and clawing scratch marks covering his chest and arms. Shuddering, he closes his eyes again. 

“Where are your clothes?” Hoseok asks, looking around. Kihyun’s mind goes blank until he remembers - that they’re floating in the water. Remembering how he had leaped with them into the water, he had only been focused on escaping, swimming, _ faster, harder, faster. _

“The lake,” he whimpers, and Hoseok makes a worried noise. 

“I didn’t bring anything with me,” Hoseok whispers, and Kihyun shakes his head. As much as he craves to be covered right now, none of this is Hoseok’s fault.  _ He _ should have been more careful,  _ he _ should have been alert. 

The sound of running registers, and he looks up, Minhyuk appearing with several people behind him. Kihyun digs his fingernails into his palms, trying to bring himself back from panic. He needs to appear strong in front of everyone. He can’t be weak, he can’t be weak, he  _ can’t _ .

He also knows that even if he manages to keep his chin from wobbling, he still probably looks like shit. His hair is wet and dripping, mixing with the tears that had wet his cheeks, the thin, torn robe barely giving him any sense of modesty. He wants to dissolve into the sand and settle into the bottom of the lake when he sees Captain Son over Minhyuk’s shoulder, Dr. Im right behind him as well. 

“There, Sir!” he points at Junhwi’s body. “He’s the one that Hoseok stopped.” He looks over at Kihyun, a mix of pity, fear, and relief in his eyes. Minhyuk runs over, falling to his knees in front of him. 

He for once looks like he’s at a loss for words, and Hoseok rubs his shoulder. 

“Kihyun,” he barely gets out. “You’re okay?”

Kihyun nods, but it feels so wrong. He’s not okay. Not even a little bit. Minhyuk seems to see that, reaching out and squeezing his hand. He gently shushes him, stroking some of the wet bangs from his forehead. Kihyun tries not to crumble again, biting the inside of his cheek so hard he tastes blood. 

“He’s alive. Just unconscious,” he hears Dr. Im say behind him. 

He hears footsteps approaching, and he shrinks back when Dr. Im takes a knee next to Minhyuk to meet eyes with him. “Soldier Yoo,” he begins gently, and Kihyun tries to steel himself. He can feel the Captain’s presence behind him, but he can’t seem to stop the shaking, and his breaths feel shallow.

Dr. Im scans him, turning around. “Can I have someone’s shirt? Please,” he adds. 

He’s barely interacted with the head medic before, and this certainly wasn’t how he wanted to make a first impression. He wanted this all to end immediately.

He startles when weight is draped over his shoulders, looking up to see the Captain shirtless. He looks apologetic for scaring him, pulling his shirt over his shaking frame. Kihyun’s fingers find the fabric, and he pulls it around himself. 

Unsurprisingly, the shirt smells like the Captain, musky and strong. It takes every sap of Kihyun’s self-control to not bury his nose in the fabric to soak up every last drop of comfort.

Dr. Im surveys him for a moment more. “Let’s go to the medic tent before we do anything else.” He looks up at Captain Son. “Can I trust you with Gwon?”

Captain Son nods. 

“Can you walk?” Dr. Im asks, tilting his head. 

Kihyun’s throat burns from being choked, so he nods instead of talking. 

“I can carry him,” Hoseok says, despite Kihyun’s answer. Kihyun shakes his head, pushing Hoseok away, who frowns in concern.

“I’ll need you to help bring Soldier Gwon back,” Captain Son says, motioning Hoseok away much to Kihyun’s relief. The last thing he wants is to be carried through the camp like some weakling. 

Hoseok looks like arguing but stops himself, getting up from the shore. 

The Captain holds out a hand to Kihyun, and he stares like his mind is processing things too slow to comprehend them. 

“Soldier Yoo,” the Captain says gently, but with a firm enough tone that it manages to break through the fog in Kihyun’s mind. He grabs onto the Captain’s hand, letting himself be pulled to his feet. 

His knees shake as he stands, and Dr. Im steadies him on his right side. Captain Son’s uniform covers him dutifully but doesn’t offer as much coverage as he’d hoped, only reaching the tops of his thighs. The wet robe still clings uncomfortably to his skin under the Captain’s shirt, coming down to his knees, but he hates how it feels on his skin. As he walks back guided by Dr. Im, he lets himself nose into the collar of the shirt, breathing in the Captain’s strong soothing scent. 

It makes his chest feel less tight, but it all comes back again when he glances over his shoulder, seeing Junhwi being lugged by his arms and legs by Hoseok and the Captain.

A horrifying question clings to Kihyun’s terrified mind.  _ Did he know? Did he realize Kihyun’s secret in those last few moments? _

It makes him feel sick, shoulders hunching as if it will make himself even smaller inside the Captain’s uniform. 

If Junhwi managed to get a glance between Kihyun’s legs when he violently pinned them apart, he’d be done for. Absolutely ruined. 

He doesn’t even realize that he’s been whimpering until he hears Dr. Im’s soft shushes, reassurances that they’re almost there and then he can rest and take some medicine. 

He chokes down the humiliating sounds he’s been making, the burn in his throat causing tears to sting at his eyes. 

They finally reach the tent, Dr. Im immediately finding him dry clothes and guiding him to a cot. Pulling a curtain around him, he leaves Kihyun to change while he gets his supplies. 

Kihyun quickly sheds his two layers, setting the Captain’s shirt on the cot and letting the wet robe drop to the floor. The shirt and pants that Dr. Im had given him were plain and neutrally colored. He puts on the dry clothes, sitting on the edge of the cot. Taking his small moment of privacy he has, he picks up the Captain’s uniform and buries his face in it, fighting off sudden tears as he breathes in. 

It’s small, and it’s stupid, but it makes him feel that much bit safer. It makes him feel comforted, at home. So far from where he feels he is right now. Right now, he feels sick and terrified. He feels paralyzed and violated. Tears involuntarily soak into the shirt, and he doesn’t want to let it go. 

“Kihyun? Are you ready?” Dr. Im’s deep calm voice comes from outside the curtain. 

Taking one more deep breath, Kihyun opens his eyes, dropping the shirt from his face. He pulls the curtain back, and Dr. Im is standing there, motioning him to sit down. Kihyun sits on the cot behind him, fisting his fingers in the thin sheets. 

“Kihyun, to be completely thorough and safe, I need you to be completely honest with me. Can you do that for me?”

Kihyun looks up at the head medic, wondering briefly if he’s implying something. 

“Okay,” he whispers, swallowing against the pain in his throat. 

“Okay. And I’m sorry, but I need to know… Did he-”

“He didn’t.” Kihyun interrupts before he finishes, wanting to get out of this tent as soon as he can. 

There’s a pause, and Dr. Im sits down next to Kihyun. “Kihyun, nothing you say here will leave this tent without your permission. You can tell me anything.”

Kihyun resists clenching his fists. He looks up at Dr. Im’s brown eyes. They look honest. Sincere. 

“Anything?”

~~~

_ Did you really think that no one would ever find out?  _

Kihyun startles awake with poisonous hissing in his ear, sitting up frantically, heart beating against his chest rapidly. The feeling of sand between his fingers fades quickly in the background of his mind, weight no longer pressing on his body, hot, burning breath no longer on his face. He’s in his tent, he reminds himself. 

Hoseok mumbles something next to him but doesn’t wake up. Kihyun takes a deep breath, running a hair through his hair. 

Quietly, he stands up and slips on his boots, leaving the tent in his sleepwear and heading into the cool night. Relief hits his hot skin as he inhales the clean air. Deciding not to return to his tent for more nightmares, he continues walking, up the hill by the entrance of the camp, to the top where the view of the night sky is the clearest of trees and large tents surrounding him. 

He sits down on the grass, harmlessly plucking a wildflower next to him. He distantly hears his mother’s voice in his ears.  _ You look lovely, my flower _ .

A deep thud of homesickness hits him, and he crushes the flower in his fist like he’s trying to crush that longing to return to his village. Like he’s trying to be stronger than he really is. 

“Can I join you?” 

The deep voice startles Kihyun from his thoughts, flinching to the side and looking behind him.

Captain Son stands behind him, but his presence doesn’t impose like he usually would. He’s wearing clothes similar to him, not his training clothes or uniform. It’s loose on his tall, wide frame, and his hair is messy and his bangs hang down in his face, making him look softer. 

Kihyun forces his heart rate to slow, shakily nodding as he scoots over a little, allowing the alpha to sit next to him on the hill.

“I didn’t mean to startle you,” Captain Son says quietly. He looks tired. 

“You didn’t,” Kihyun says even softer. He’s been extra jumpy since that evening on the lake. It’s not Captain Son’s fault. 

“Are you enjoying the time off?” 

He’d been granted a couple days off from training to recover. He’s been spending most of his time in the medical tent. Dr. Im has had to give him something for his hands to do because when he sits still, his mind can’t help but replay everything that happened over and over. 

“To be honest, I’d prefer to stay busy.”

The Captain softly chuckles. “That’s what makes you a good soldier.” 

The small smile hits Kihyun like a punch to the chest. He doesn’t feel worthy of any praise that his Captain offers, but he can’t help but feel warmer at the words. 

“I wanted to apologize,” the large man says, looking more ashamed than Kihyun had ever expected from his superior. 

He blinks up at him in shock, not knowing how to respond. “Apologize for what, Sir?” 

“Hyungw- Lieutenant Chae had informed me about Junhwi’s harassment previously. I didn’t take his report as seriously as I should have. He was dangerous. My carelessness caused you to get hurt."

Kihyun’s throat feels dry. The bruises from Junhwi’s attack still shine dark purple and ache on his throat and thighs. He sees the Captain’s eyes flicker to the marks on his neck, and he swallows, looking away. 

“Captain, I…” Kihyun tries to tell him how it could never be his fault. That he hadn’t been careful. That he wasn’t strong enough. 

“Hyunwoo.” 

Kihyun tilts his head. “Sir?” 

“You’re off duty. Call me Hyunwoo.” 

“Okay,” he says. “Hyunwoo.” 

The name comes off his tongue like it’s been sitting there for years. He suddenly feels lighter - light enough that he actually lets himself be brave for once. To look back and say, “Then it’s Kihyun for you.” 

The Captain- no.  _ Hyunwoo _ smiles again, but broader this time and Kihyun wonders if he brushes their shoulders together on purpose. 

“Okay.” Hyunwoo looks at him. “Kihyun.” 

Kihyun meets his gaze, breath hitching, feeling strangely like an equal for once with the man in front of him. It feels… exhilarating. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

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**Author's Note:**

> come scream at me about showki or this fic or anything really
> 
> [twitter](https://twitter.com/lostnthedream) // [cc](https://curiouscat.me/lostnthedream)


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